Gracies World March 2004
March 1
Shoveling snow. Life size plastic deer is dressed in sparkly pale blue evening gown. Also sparkly blue earrings which dangle.
Those earrings, they tinkle in the evening breeze.
March 3
Shoveling snow.
Life size plastic deer is dressed up in jungle camoflage. Also is wearing a large fruit hat.
That fruit hat has been augmented with plastic pork chops and rubber hot dogs.
March 7
Shoveling snow once again.
Life size plastic deer is dressed in a purple mumu and wooden clogs and a green turban with a enormous pink ostrich feather pluming skywards. That green turban is perched precariously upon the antlers.
The deer is wearing a sparkly sign around its neck. That sign, it says
THIS IS WHAT IRISH LOOKS LIKE.
I never would have realized this.
March 9
Evening, Dining Room Table
Shredded green beans and addled eggs for supper. Chessie is eating her green beans using Bens postage stamp tweezers.
Snooples is telling a long story about how there is this new kid at school. This kid. He is a carrot.
At least that is what Snooples says.
Now Snooples is telling everyone how this carrot always dresses nice and neat. He often wears a nice plaid rain coat and carries a matcing plaid lunch box and matching plaid book bag.
March 11
That carrots name. It is Twaddles MacGregor.
Snooples says that today when the little kids were swinging on the swing sets and playing Spraddle the Mule, Twaddles MacGregor, he stood at the edge of the playground with his hands in the pockets of his plaid Woolrich overcoat. He stood there in his green Wellingtons with his tall green hat with a fuzzball on top.
Twaddles MacGregor appeared to be contented.
This is on account of Twaddles MacGregor is very reserved.
That is what Snooples says.
March 12
Noon.
Am studying Midieval Electricity for big exam. Bronze circuitry is troublesome to memorize.
Pia is shoveling snow out of the driveway on account of I have the sniffles. Also, Pia's band broke up because they could not agree about the bongos.
Chickenloaf and Snooples and Chessie are helping to shovel the snow. However, Chessie is managing to fling snow backwards directly over her head onto the newly shoveled areas. Fortunately Chessie is using a shovel the size of a wok scoop.
Pia is using the real shovel.
As there are only 2 shovels Chickenloaf and Snooples are using Dads Revereware pans. They are working pretty good.
March 13
Biology Class
Received a 70% on Midieval Electricity exam. Missed all questions about cast iron circuitry. Chickenloaf recieved a 100% plus got the extra credit question correct which was about how suits of armor were powered.
But I do not care as tomorrow we get to dissect cows.
March 14
Biology Class
Time to dissect the cows!
Mr. Muzzlewhite is at the front of the classroom demonstrating how to remove the horns.
Pia is already working ahead on account of Pia helped out at a butcher shop one summer. Pia has the gills and all six of the stomachs identifed along with the egg-laying mechanisim labeled in the correct order.
Ben, who is Pias laboratory partner is burning incense and chanting over the cow.
Chickenloaf is my laboratory partner. Chickenloaf is trimming the cows hoofs. This is not really necessary but whatever.
Am having considerable difficulty removing horns as they keep spinning around.
Oh I get it. They unscrew.
March 16
Biology Class
Continuing to dissect cows. Having difficulty as cannot locate air bladder or dorsal fins.
Perhaps this cow paid to have its dorsal fins removed. For cosmetic reasons. You do not see too many cows walking around with dorsal fins, when you think about it.
March 17
Current Events Class
Snooples is giving a PowerPoint presentation on her latest future life revelation in which Snooples is hairless.
Actually all pets and companion animals are hairless at this time in Snooples future life. On account of allergies got bad. Enter GENETIC ENGINEERING.
Imagine a team of hairless Clydesdales. That is what Snooples just said.
Now Snooples is showing slides of all sorts of hairless animals. There is a hairless beef cow and a hairless cheetah and a hairless yak. Snooples explains that hairless camels must use sunscreen.
March 18
Biology Class
Continuing to dissect cows.
Snooples and Chessie are attempting to measure the small intestine of their cow. Snooples and Chessie have strung the small intestine diagonally all the way across the class room. It is getting in everybody's way.
SNOOPLES AND CHESSIE STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. INTESTINES ARE NOT FOR STRETCHING ACROSS ROOMS.
it is clandestine! That is what Snooples just said.
it is inscrutable! That is what Chessie just said.
IT IS INSUFFERABLE. PUT IT BACK IN THE COW.
That cow intestine just knocked over a jar of pickled chicken pups and now chicken pups are scampering all around under foot.
March 19
Evaluating the stomach contents of the cows.
This requires scissoring open all 9 stomachs with pinking shears. Pinking shears are snipping all around the room.
A small Motorola television set airing game shows has been identified in the stomach of Snooples cow. I have found a laptop computer in a stomach of my cow. Also a iPod. The iPod was actually in the third stomach but it was connected to the laptop in the first stomach.
Pia has found a magnet bristling with all sorts of nails and screws and washers and the like. Also a set of metric socket wrenches. Mr. Muzzlewhite says this indicates that the cow came from Canada.
Chickenloaf has found a wallet with no identification cards but $5 million in cash.
Chessie just fainted dead away. It appears that the Hope Diamond has been discovered inside Chessies cow.
March 20
French Profanity Class
Nini is explaining what to exclaim if you drop a chest freezer on your foot in Quebec.
Snooples quietly humming PLANTON LA VIGNE and is drawing carrots all over her writing tablet. Now Snooples is writing Regardez la carotte! at the bottom of the writing tablet page.
March 22
French Profanity Class Again
Nini is demonstrating the proper hand gestures for altercations over minor accidents involving horse-drawn vehicles.
Snooples just handed me this note.
March 24
Gym class.
Every kid in the school is standing around in a big circle and we are supposed to do stuff with this gigantic parachute. Which is all tangled up in the middle of the gymnasium floor and has many patches and otherwise haphazardly mended areas.
It is hopeless.
March 26
Playground
Snooples has taken off her snow boots. Snooples is showing off her pierced toe. Snooples is wearing a 24-karat diamond toe stud. Snooples is showing off the 24-karat toe stud to a bunch of orange kittens wearing matching hand-knitted olive green sweaters and matching tamoshanters.
Snooples is dramatically acting out how the Rat Terrier at Earring Palace pierced her toe with a large pneumatic drill. Those kittens have goggle eyes and some have clapped their mittens over their ears. However Snooples story is not quite accurate there was no pneumatic drill.
March 28
Biology Class
Sewing up cows today.
Mr. Muzzlewhite is allowing us to use festive thread. Mr. Muzzlewhite is showing us how to do the blanket stitch.
Ben is sewing a goodbye letter to his cow inside of his cow.
March 29
Biology Class
Mr. Muzzlewhite is demonstrating sheep dipping. Is asking for volunteers to be dipped.
All the dissected cows are sewn up with festive thread and are pickling quietly in their jars in a neat row in front of the window sill.
Bucky Lawless and Bing Hamton have opted to have their cow made into jerky.
Snooples and Chessie want to bring their pickled cow home and keep it in the living room.
However this is not an option.
Mr. Muzzlewhite has his rubber gloves. Mr. Muzzlewhite is holding Ben upside down by the tail and is dipping Ben in the sheep dip.
March 31
Late Afternoon
Shoveling snow.
Life size plastic deer is naked. This is somewhat disturbing.
