Sunday, November 1, 1998
Here is a picture of me that Mom took this summer. I look funny because I'm sleepy, also my jaw is crooked because when I was little, a car hit me and I fell down in the road and some hands picked me up and I had wires in my jaw. Then I came to live with Mom and Dad and Charlie and Chickenloaf and Nini and Weakie and Pia. We didn't have Ben then. Ben came this summer, and Pia said stay away from him because he had rabies. I don't know if he has rabies, but he lives with us, and he doesn't seem like he has rabies at all. Except when he jumps on me and he jumps on Nini. He really likes to jump on Nini because she is so fat. When Ben jumps on me, I bite his throat.
Monday, November 2, 1998
Last night Mom gave me a nice bed. It's a little bitty clothes basket just like the big clothes baskets I like to sleep in. Weakie says it's made of something called wicker, but that sounds like something bad, so I don't know. Pia says it's Charlie's old bed that he doesn't like anymore, so it has fleas. But I slept there all night long and I didn't get any fleas.
Tuesday, November 3, 1998
Nini told me that one night there was a big thunder storm and Mom and Dad weren't home, and then they came home and Nini ran up to them and said "Nack booms!" She says that means thunder and lightning. I wish I could talk human.
Wednesday, November 4, 1998
Mom just read me an e-mail from her friend in California who looked at my journal. She says that I'm more settled looking in my picture that I put in my journal three days ago. That makes me feel very grown up. I'm glad because I'm not the youngest at our house anymore. Ben is. He's not even a year old. He's a jerk sometimes. Last night he chased Pia all around and Mom and Dad squirted him with the spray bottle.
Last night I was playing with Charlie through the holes in his door. Charlie lives in the basement on account of he chases Chickenloaf and hurts her feelings. Charlie is lucky because he has a machine down there that you put little disks inside and music comes out. I wish we had one of those upstairs. He also has this big box that pictures move around inside and it makes sounds. Nini says she got to sit downstairs and watch it one time, and it was a show about a crow that went around causing trouble. Nini says that box is the greatest. She says she'll buy me one. Also a music playing thinggie.
Thursday, November 5, 1998
Today Mom stayed home and made popcorn. We all like it when she makes popcorn. We don't like to eat it, we just like to sniff it.
Friday, November 6, 1998
Weakie is my favorite sister because she washes my head. Today she told me that when she was eating cat food on the ledge in the kitchen that she saw another cat inside the lid of a big steel pot on the shelf. She said the cat was very, very pretty. She said when she put her face close to the cat, the cat put her face close to hers. They looked at each other for a long, long time. When Weakie sat back, the other cat sat back. She reached out a paw to the cat, and the cat reached out a paw, too. Weakie says that cat seems like a very nice cat.
When we were in the kitchen at night and Mom was washing dishes, Pia jumped on the cutting board at the edge of the table and the cutting board flipped over and over and hit the floor with a BANG and Pia ran away. Pia walked around the rest of the night with her legs and paws shaking. When she does this, Mom calls her Jitters.
Saturday, November 7, 1998
The other day Pia was stretched out on Mom's lap while Mom had her feet up reading a book. Pia started dreaming and twitching all over and then she made popping noises with her mouth. Pop, pop, pop, pop, pop, pop!
Sunday, November 8, 1998
Ben drank out of the toilet bowl today.
Monday, November 9, 1998
Nini said she was in the bathtub tending to a spider in the morning, and Mom surprised her and she exploded out of the tub, squeaking and squeaking.
Pia was dreaming again last night, twitching all over and all the sudden her hackles raised so high she looked like a razor-back pig! We snickered and she woke up and called us a bunch of dorks.
Tuesday, November 10, 1998
Chickenloaf sleeps on Dad's lap these days. She starts out sleeping in her basket by the heater, then then Dad marches over and says, "You! Come with me!" and he hoists her up and carries her over to the chair. She looks confused but then she likes it.
Wednesday, November 11, 1998
Today Mom showed me how to turn my typing into something called H-TEEEML. She showed me how to use something that's called a TEXT GREBBLER. She also showed me an UNUSUAL EDITOR but I told her I like the TEXT GREBBLER better because it's like claws. It's a good thing I can type this because my penmanship is very terrible.
Pia says that Ben is swarming inside with e-coli because he drinks out of the toilet bowl. She peeled back one of his eyelids and said she could see e-coli swimming on his eyeballs. I don't know what's e-coli, but it must be something terrible because last night Nini had half her body stuck into a rattly plastic bag and Ben got so excited that he was twitching all over.
Thursday, November 12, 1998
"We'll make great pets."
--Porno For Pyros, "Pets"
"I am milk...I'm waiting for you."
This morning Nini was having her po-po chips in the bathtub, and we were all waiting in line, and she was concentrating on the po-po chips coming out of the faucet, and Ben jumped in and batted her tail, and Nini whirled around and turned into a GIANT ROARING CAT, and Ben skittled away.
Tuesday, November 17, 1998
Last night was Chicken Night, and Mom and Dad brought home Easy Chicken, all brown and smelling so good, and we all got chicken! Ben ate so much chicken that when he stood up and put his paws on the kitchen table he burped really loud and everybody laughed!
Wednesday, November 18, 1998
I am learning to be a journalist. This week I am following Nini around because she's The Richest Mammal in the Universe. When she was in the bathroom she yelled at Mom, and I quote, "Sugarlips! Wanna give me that?" And then she jumped into the bathtub to have her po-po chips.
I'm also learning how to take pictures. I took this picture of Nini!
One morning when Mom and Dad were getting ready for work, Mom turned on the trickle in the bathtub so that we could all have our drinks. This is Chickenloaf's favorite thing. She came bustling up the hall yelling "Po-po chips! Yoomies!" And that's how po-po chips got their name.
Thursday, November 26, 1998
Its so boring around here with Mom and Day off visiting. Weakie says the best thing to do when Mom and Dad are away is to take lots of naps. Shes been napping for the past 16 hours. Pia says the best thing to do is play record albums at 78 rpm and dance really fast.
Mom says she will try to bring back some dear meat. I thought all meat was dear. Pia says not dear meat, deer meat! Its getting dark now and its almost time for bed. Im glad, because Im so bored! Ben just threw up in his favorite cardboard box.
Friday, November 27, 1998
The SCARY CAT SITTER came today. Her name is Snorkel. I hid under the bed, but Ben says shes a nicer CAT SITTER even than Dry Clean. He brought her some lint he was saving on his whiskers, and he got so excited that he threw up part of a geranium leaf.
Pia says I should get a grip. I dont care! I like Dry Clean better! You just dont know who you can trust!
Saturday, November 28, 1998
Today Pia got into Moms library and pulled down a book called The Delta of Venus. She started reading it out loud and having giggling fits. Chickenloaf got wide-eyed, and Ben blushed right through his orange fur. Nini said this was very gauche and not comme il faut.
Sunday, November 29, 1998
Charlie weighs 20 pounds. Dad is threatening to put him on a diet of nothing but pencil erasers.
Monday, November 30, 1998
Im so embarrassed! Tonight I was playing and I got a claw caught in my tail. Dad found me racing around and around in circles!
Pia wants to write something here. FsislsfvxFUCKYOUgxxsls.emggghDORK