The Chickenloaf Papers: Stories from the Kitten Room
2001 :: january :: february :: march :: april :: after april

richest mammal in the universe

tuesday, march 20, 2001

"I've read a couple of Chickenloaf entries and it seems that 90% of them are about cats. I love cats, but this is a bit too much."

~ rejection note from elite on-line journal ring

Let's see, where was I? Ah yes, Nini.

Thus, this small bovine cat waddled into our lives. Nini arrived at the house in a wicker cat carrier after being quarantined for two weeks, tested for diseases, given her shots. The veterinary assistant told me she had never seen a more sickly yet more cheerful kitten.

We opened up the wicker carrier and found Nini inside with a small beige teddybear. She had been bathed and groomed. Her upper respiratory infection was getting a little better. That first night while I was reading, she climbed up into the easy chair and slipped a tiny fingery paw into my hand. Blams, she confided.

Soon Nini and Chickenloaf were galloping after each other up and down the hallway. Nini discovered the bathtub faucet and started yelling up into it. She slid coffee beans under the door to Charlie.

Upon reaching adolescence, she wore little French outfits with grey leotards and a matching beret. Her nickname then was Button Head .

Nini's dream was to go to Paris. She came upon a small amount of money: 68 cents and a coat button. This she saved. Bungee stocks were becoming popular then, and despite Edsel's warnings, she invested all 68 cents and the coat button in bungee stocks.

The rest is history. Within one week her 68 cents and one coat button were transformed into $48,000,000. All of this she reinvested except for $5.76 for leotards. The $47 million and some change soon became $6 trillion.

Today Nini is the Richest Mammal in the Universe. She owns most of the large conglomerates, all of the automobile companies, several entire solar systems, Microsoft, Apple, Macromedia, and Enron. Her best seller Better than Paris was outsold only by her popular cookbook, What's that Smell in Nini's Kitchen? She has her own stock investment Web site, and publishes the much-loved interior decorating magazine Hairballs on the Carpet . She has several private jets in designer colors. She invented the deep-fat deer fryer, a popular item with hunters.

She can buy and sell us many times over. Yet she does not subsidize us, feeling that it is far more salutary for us to make it on our own.

Never mind that we buy all her food and toys.

Image: Nini, the Richest Mammal in the Universe

More about Nini...
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