Circle widens in Lice Land scandal
Celebrated birthplace of Elvis The Pine Siskin enshrouded in foul play

The touted birthplace of Elvis The Pine Siskin, actually a bald eagles's nest.

Elvis The Pine Siskin

Touted as the birthplace of actor-comedian-folk singer Elvis the Pine Siskin, a 6-foot-diameter nest situated at the top of a 50-foot dead black walnut tree in Kane County, Pennsylvania came under close scrutiny early this week when an avian specialist observed that it is actually the nest of a bald eagle.

"I thought to myself, 'That's one damned big nest,'" said Vassar PodSnap, professor of ornithology and Medieval literature in Borg University's College of Avian Cultures. "The thing's big as a tractor tire. For a bunch of pine siskins? Who do they think they're fooling?"

Tens of thousands, as it turns out. The enormous nest and nearby gas station converted to the Elvis The Pine Siskin Museum and Gift Shop, collectively known as Lice Land, has drawn more than 78,000 Elvis devotees, along with the merely puzzled since July 2001 when the tourist attraction first opened to the public. Bisky Wheeler, the pine siskin's former agent, is curator of Lice Land.

Wheeler's DAR and Rat Mob connections were revealed late last week when an anonymous informant tipped off town officials that his real name is Jimmy "The Fish Hawk" Capella-Gallinago. Wheeler, aka Capella-Gallinago, allegedly made a deal with the DAR to donate the bald eagle's nest to Lice Land.

The thing's as big as a tractor tire. Who do they think they're fooling?

Meanwhile, Elvis fans are devastated by the news. Echoing the sentiments of pine siskin devotees everywhere, Bertha Mae Foot said, "Now that I know that isn't really Elvis'es nest up there, what do I do with the rest of my life? I'll have to go get a Ph.D., or collect drywall buckets, or something. "