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Toad missing; presumed abducted by aliens

Thornton Woodhouse
Thorton Woodhouse was last seen hopping across the busy highway in front of his home on May 12.

Thornton Woodhouse, toad and local artist specializing in large oil-painted murals featuring different cattle breeds, has been missing for 12 days, ever since he ventured onto a four-lane highway during rush hour near his home in DewPoint. Woodhouse is presumed to have been abducted by aliens.

Woodhouse was last seen hopping across the busy highway in front of his home at 6 a.m. on May 12. Family and friends are unsure as to whether he was attempting to reach the mossy culvert on the other side of the street or the firemen's carnival four miles away. His spouse, Alberta Wimsleydale-Woodhouse, recalls that he left the burrow that day carrying only a cell phone, a pack of cigarettes, and $12 in cash.

The whole situation
was an alien abduction
of a toad just waiting to
happen.
"He was hopping across the road, four or five huge poultry trucks loaded with hysterically squawking chickens went roaring past, feathers were flying everywhere, and then he was gone," recalls Lloyd Spraddle, a toad neighbor who witnessed the incident. Spraddle had been selling corn dogs at a nearby roadside stand at the time. "It happened so fast. It had to be aliens."

"I'm certain it was aliens," confirmed Alberta Wimsleydale-Woodhouse. "Thornton was always very careful about crossing the street."

Police investigators on the scene noted that traffic was especially heavy on May 12 due to the firemen's carnival. In addition, there were many roadside stands selling corn-on-the-cob and other snacks all along both sides of the stretch of highway, making it highly plausible that a huge spacecraft flying off with a toad would go unnoticed.

"The whole situation was an alien abduction of a toad just waiting to happen," observed Sergeant Buford Waxpig. "We seem to have a few of these every year on this stretch of highway. What with the high population of toads and all."