I am a cat what are you.
How are you. I am fine. The weather here
sucks is OK.
I have a brother Ben. He pukes alot.
Please excuse the bad spelling and grammar as I am using a
typewriter. Also I do not write letters generally speaking and
so am not exactly sure of the protocol.
What I want to know is do you have a Farm Show.
We do! It is so fun. We go there and we have roasted
trouts on sticks. There are zillions of cows also
Anyways, I was wondering if you have a Farm Show.
Hello this is Gracie. I am wearing a pretty nice sweater.
This sweater was knittled by real Skandanavian sheep. It has
some deer on it with hoofs and antlers and everything.
It cost a zillion dollars or something.
It is extremely hard to knit antlers believe me. If you are
not good they look like varycose veins.
This sweater it used to be Moms but
then Chessie boiled it with some hot dogs. It is now cat size.
Gracie De LaRue
January 8, 2002
I have these 2 little sisters they
are Chessie and Snooples. Chessie takes ballet lessons and she has
a lime green top with sparkles all over it and a lime green too too
as well as lime green tights which the knees bag.
Snooples has to take Prozac.
That is on account of Snooples suffers
from pre-traumatic stress disorder. That is where you get stressed
out over something that has not happened yet usually in a future
Snooples, she has alot of future lives.
One time she will be a naked mole rat which isn't so great.
One time she will be a heroic soldier and one time a protozoa
whatever that is. One time she will be a steam iron. In this one future life somebody scares her with big shoes.
That is why Snooples must take Prozac.
Sometimes we have for breakfast scraggled
eggs. Scraggled eggs are made of chicken eggs.
But I guess you could
use any kind of egg now that I think about it.
When you make scraggled eggs you have
to use a little dab of milk otherwise they are bad.
One time when I was a little bitty
kid I took an egg and hid it and it stank up the house. Little kids around here don't know anything about eggs.
Do you enjoy breakfast if so what.
Hello again this is Gracie writing a letter.
Weakie says years ago everybody wrote
piles of letters. That was before e-mail. How the
letters got to everybody beats me.
Did you know chest freezers are dangerous. They are. If you see a
chest freezer sitting out in the middle of
the woods you are supposed to run like hell.
Please write back and tell me about some dangerous stuff.
I am very interested.
You might be interested to know that I have a pet snake.
His name is Blackie. He is 9 feet long. He likes pork. He is a pretty nice snake.
Here is a funny story. One time my pet snake swallowed
Chessie half way on account of she is small and Pia and I
had to haul Chessie out by the armpits. It was pretty funny.
Actually I'd appreciate it if you would
not tell anybody that I have this snake. I am not supposed to have
this snake. On account of this snake is a WILD ANIMAL and you are supposed to LEAVE WILD ANIMALS IN THE WILD.
What do you do with wild animals over
Sometimes we play this really fun game
when it is nice outdoors it is called Whiffle the Mouse. You use
plastic litter scoops and each team has different colored scoops.
First you catch a mouse, see. Then you string
up the mouse by its
Maybe you are a mouse. In which case, never mind,
we do not play that game.
Do you like to cook I do.
One time I made
a souffle which exploded okra pods everywhere.
Please write back as this is weird.
Maybe I have insulted you which is why you don't
seem to be writing back. Maybe you are a mouse
for all I know.
I guess maybe you don't realize this but I am your Pen Pal.
Weakie is making us do this. She made us
pick Pen Pals off this list, see.
Anyways, if you were not supposed
to be on this list maybe you should contact the authorities
Here is a pitcher of Ben
Weakie says these Pen Pal letters are supposed to be
very descriptive and describe our Native Land. Otherwise our Pen Pals will think
we are lame and maybe not write back.
Nobody I know has a Native Land except maybe Ben. We all grew up
Weakie says we are supposed to write about what
it is like in the United States, as everybody is wondering what
the hell is going on over here.
What can I say it is the United States. I think
it is one of those things where you have to be there.
Weakie says we are supposed to write
about our flora and fauna, also what we think
makes a tasty snack.
Here is what I think makes a tasty snack: lamb shanks.
Gracie De LaRue
Please write back so I know whether to keep writting these
letters or tell Weakie to stuff it.
Maybe you prefer e-mail. Here is my e-mail address for this week:
If you think this Pen Pal thing is as lame as I do send
some kind of signal so I can quit writing. A severed ear or something.
So sorry I have not responded sooner! Was starving to death. Am better now!
Please write back, as am terribly excited about having a Pen Pal in the United States!
Well you are writing back.
If the food situation there is that bad I can send you a pork
No, no, starving to death is no longer a looming thing! The civil war has ended for a little while and we are rebuilding our lovely ancient cities. We have many delicious foods once again!
May I can perhaps send you some of our fine delicacies? Would you care for some nice samples of our famous butter pats?
In the United States you have such fine foods! I would be very much pleased to try a hot dog!
Okay I will not send a pork roast.
next gracie's world...