today I will be your hostess for the next hour as we take a lovely, stress-free tour of
this is iron john he weighs 300-some pounds.
iron john, he belongs to chessie and me he is our very dear friend.
we like to drag iron john across the yard and we take him on picnics.
sometimes we sit on iron john and we have our lunch sanwiches. We dangle our foots and watch the bees. Sometimes we sing some sousa marches! just like old times!
iron john is the best anvil a kitten could have. he is extremely patient, as you can see.
also very handsome!
every kitten should have a good sturdy anvil with which to play. Iron john, he is a wonderous thing.
right this way to the tool shed...
a chainsaw is a noble thing. you can cause a dead tree to fall right over or trim a dog or just about anything you can think about with a chainsaw.
a chainsaw, it will take care of the job.
on lovely autumn days chessie and me, we like to pull the chainsaw out of the shed, fire it up, and sing along.
gustav klimt has won many contests at the Farm Show including the musical ability contest and the bathing suit contest and the What America Means to Me speech contest.
as a result we now have a lifetime supply of handi wipes and a Chrystler LeBaron!
however, he is shy.
4-H stands for Hell with Homework! Hogs and Heifers!
that is what auntie pia says.
nini plants all the flowers around here. nini wears a enormous straw hat and purple knee pads. also long purple gloves that go all the way up to the elbows and are decorated all over with little water cans and trowells so as not to inadvertently bristle with spines.
when the earth worms see nini coming they run like the dickens!
i am very innarested in flowers. i go ask gracie what genus and species are these lovely flowers?
MAKE LIKE A BEAGLE AND SKID ON OUT OF HERE CAN'T YOU SEE I AM STUDYNG COBOL.
that is what gracie says.
i go ask nini:
it is our clubhouse!
pia stold it from the school parking lot last fall. that is gracie behind the wheel.
it used to run but then chickenloaf left the headlights on for 13 hours last november.
gracie and pia are trying to get it to run again because they want to drive it to Elmira. pia has putted in a new battery and adjusted the rocker arm assemblies and changed the points.
yet it does not run.
it will never run again.
i know why: foam chicks.
Stairmaster MacLooney The Chicken Blooded is neither parsimonious nor contrite. that is what chessie says.
he is from the Old Country.
the tail feathers are what you grasp for the purpose of throwing. however if you have a mind to, it can used to stopper a jug.
Stairmaster MacLooney The Chicken Blooded is a pretty good guy but be careful if you notice that he is hurtling straight at your head.
chessie putted all the stuff animals on the porch steps so as to go over the house rules for their eddification. they don't mind they are pretty good!
chessie is a STICKLER FOR RULES. for example: whenever chessie is in charge of the house while maMA and paPA are goners at work, chessie, she puts everybody in jail.
i am the chaplain i must make the rounds. i must give last rites.
here is something new: in addition to a nun i plan someday to be a landscape photographer which specializes in foots! but enough of that for now.
voila! chickenloaf's head reflected in the revere ware!
this here is the bathtub overflow drain!
you must beware of the bathtub overflow drain. it is the home in which live the Drain Devils. they have names:
the Drain Devils they have several legs they creeble out from the little holes. they wear little cowboy hats. they sometimes look like miniature wolferines. they sometimes look like gummy bears gone Bad. they are often festooned with cobwebs of various sorts.
nini keeps them at bay by yelling at them authoritatively.
you must be careful the drain devils they emit horrible gas.
these are chickenloaf's foots!
guess whos foot. ninis!
i am wearing my white keds sneakers which to be honest are pointy and far too stylish to save just for gym class.
also those are my gym pants!
okay, time to visit my subconscious!
i dream that paPA has a walmart box for a head. he talks in a frightening metallic intercom voice! he says stuorps naeb gnum ecin emos tnaw yttik elttil ereh. yttik yttik yttik yttik!
but not often.
dreams, they always mean something which you do not know. this dream, it means i have eaten too much floor fuzz.
dreams: they are the cliff notes of life.
i am walking down the hallway at school it is very dark. except it is really the inside of a garden hose, see.
anyway all the time there is this ominous voice singing ROW ROW ROW YOUR ROWING MACHINE.
then some hammer dulcimers commence a-hammerin' and i come upon the STONE SISKIN.
here i am as a old tire! it is the year 2447: tire swings are the mode of travel.
i enjoy being a tire swing it is pretty fun.
before this: front driver's side on a old datsun truck!
speaking of some old trucks...
it is a rare and holesome treat.
the peoples of the world, they think that the milky way is these balls of burning gas way out there and cats think milk a-dribbling.
but the milky way it is where all the old trucks go.
everybody's old truck's a drivin' on the beltway of the universe with one or two headlights on!
by bye old nissan!
it is haunted but not real bad.
ben is anxiously awaiting the rotor rooter man.
i visit here each day at four o'clock to say my novellas. my favorite is Franny and Zooey.
until next time this is snooples, saying see you later, everybody!
i will go take my nap now.