Gracies World April 2004
April 1
MENU
Creamed Corn
Hot dog on roll
Apple crisp
Milk
Playground.
Everybody is bundled up on account of it is still cold. The little kids are busy dissecting the remains of a snow man.
Amos and Moses the two crows are over there by the jungle gym showing Pia plus some owls how to crack their knuckles. Crows are good at cracking their knuckles. Those owls and Pia, they appear to be pretty good at it also.
Ben is setting in the lotus position in the slush at the base of the Horse Chestnut Tree. Ben is holding a acorn in each paw. Ben is meditating and buzzing.
Ben is barefoot. The seat of Bens trousers are becoming soggy.
April 3
MENU
Peas and Carrots
Hot dog on roll
Chocolate Pudding
Milk
Lunch room.
The Dixieland Jazz Band which Amos and Moses have assembled is playing STRUTTIN' ROUND THE ROAD KILL DODGIN' ALL THEM TRUCKS. A whole extended family of 18 black gerbils with white feet is jitterbugging in front of the band. They appear very festive in their small plaid skirts or trousers, blue blazers and red knee socks.
Now that Dixieland Jazz Band is playing DON'T TRUST NO MOCKIN' BIRD WITH GRANDAD'S POWER TOOLS.
We are all enjoying our hot dogs on rolls.
Except Ben however who is fasting.
April 5
MENU
Chicken-Fried Squash
Hot Dog on Roll
Jello with Banana Slices
Milk
Lunch Room. Dixieland Jazz Band is playing GARGLE THEM SKUNK BONES, which is of Congo origin.
Ben is setting in the lotus position on his folding chair. Ben is meditating and buzzing once again.
In front of Ben is a hot dog roll, but with no hot dog. On that hot dog roll rests a twig upon which a single apple blossom blooms.
BEN WHATEVER IS THE DEAL WITH THE HOT DOG ROLL.
This is what I ask Ben.
Ben merely keeps buzzing.
it is the essence of hot dog!
it is infinite emptiness!
heartbreaking!
This is what Snooples and Chessie say.
One of the Vomit Scouts just zipped by on a red Vomit Scout scooter. I guess some kid just vomited Chicken-Fried Squash all over the floor.
April 9
MENU
Single Sweet Pea With Ragout of Sneezeweed
Braised Cockroach Leg on Toast
Stuffed Thorax of Spider
A new restaurant has sprang up in the neighborhood of the Cowboy Bar underneath the spirea bushes. It is owned by Mimulus Beak the local mockingbird. It is managed by a large fat robin.
It is called Chez Beak.
Mostly just birds and chickmumps frequent this restaurant. On account of the waiters, they drop the food directly from their beaks into the customer's gullets.
Regurgitation costs extra. As they have to hire a eagle.
April 11
MENU
Broccoli nuggets on rice
Hot dog on roll
Cherry Cobbler
Milk
Biology Class
Mr. Muzzlewhite is explaining how in ancient times there was practically no health.
However it turns out that health was not necessary. As everybody was getting stomped on by lizards the size of double-wide trailers anyways.
Mr. Muzzlewhite is passing around the skull of a cat from Ancient Times. There is not much of that skull left. Only a eye socket and a jaw with some tooth holes. Mr. Muzzlewhite, he is explaining that this is the skull of a early road kill. The perpetrator was likely a Brontosaurus or possibly a early tour bus.
April 13
MENU
Mixed Vegetables
Mashed Potatoes
Corn Dog
Milk
Biology Class
Mr. Muzzlewhite is holding up a Ancient Medieval Dental Instrument. It resembles a tire iron.
Mr. Muzzlewhite is explaining that this tool was used for root canals.
Snooples is not paying attention. Snooples is catching flies which light on her desk. Snooples is putting those flies in her red plaid lunch box. Morose and intermittent buzzing radiates from Snooples lunch box.
I pass Snooples a note.
MUSTN'T PUT FLIES IN LUNCH BOX
Snooples passes back a note.
too late
April 14
MENU
Zesty "Nachos" With Melted Velveeta and Ketchup
Hot Dog on Roll
Banana
Milk
Melodrama Class.
Snooples is at the front of the room demonstrating the famous Jessica scene from General Hospital. Snooples has a flair for the melodramatic.
This is a pretty good class.
"I'll never love you Brad!"
Snooples just pressed her paw against her forehead. Snooples has fainted onto the davenport. Everybody is standing up and clapping wildly.
April 15
MENU
Zucchini Fritters
Hot Dog on Roll
Jello Salad With Carrots
Milk
Melodrama Class
Bucky Lawless is performing a monologue from True Grit. Bucky Lawless does a pretty good John Wayne.
When we have learned all the proper melodramatic techniques we will put on a Dramatic Play. Ben wishes to assume the role of James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. Chessie clamors to perform Don Giovanni.
I am hoping to do CATS.
April 17
MENU
Mashed Candied Yams
Turkey White Meat With Gravy
Jello
Milk
Melodrama Class.
Nini is crawling along under a bunch of desks like a Marine Sniper. Nini is wearing a little camouflage jacket and helmet. I did not know they made cat size helmets.
We are supposed to imagine snakes and monkeys under the desks. Also parrots muttering profanities. It is a very tense scene.
Nini has taken a bullet! Everyone gasps in unison!
Now Nini is demonstrating How to Die a Heroe's Death. Out in the hallway Bucky Lawless is playing Taps pianissimo on his cornet.
Nini is lying perfectly still with all 4 feets sticking straight up in the air.
There's the bell. Everybody is gathering their books and filing silently out.
Nini still lies there motionless.
April 19
MENU
Potatoes and Gravy
Beef Barbecue on Bun
Chilled Pears
Milk
Melodrama Class
Now we are all crawling under the desks in the manner of Marine Snipers.
We are wearing the latest sniper fashions. I for example am wearing a helmet with little twigs all over it. Chessie is wearing a pink helmet with silk roses arranged on one side and a pink veil.
Have to stop writing now. Nini is signaling us ahead through a snake-riddled swamp.
April 20
MENU
Stuffed Squash
Hot Dog on Roll
Cheese Dootles
Milk
Melodrama Class.
Nini is demonstrating the proper way to execute the Depths of Despair. Everybody is attempting to wail, "O Woe!" Everyone is wringing their paws or hoofs or whatever. In a despairing manner.
Except for Snooples. Snooples seems to have lost interest in this class.
Snooples is once again catching flies and is putting them in her lunch box.
I pass Snooples a note.
UNSANITARY
Snooples carefully folds up the note and puts it in her lunchbox.
April 21
MENU
Mashed Spinach
Chicken Leg
Jello With Mixed Fruit
Milk
Melodrama Class
Practicing in the gymnasium today. Nini is demonstrating the proper technique for swooning and fainting.
Now we are practicing swooning and fainting all over the wrestling mats. It is not as easy as it looks. One must flip straight over backwards whilst simultaneously sticking all 4 legs straight up in the air.
Chessie is the best swooner and fainter. On account of Chessie has had a lot of practice.
April 22
MENU
Lunch Special:
Stunned fireflies glowing on a bed of fresh mustard greens dabbled in balsamic vinegar and sprinkled with feta cheese
Evening.
Peering through the antique glass windows of Chez Beak with L.L. Bean Binoculars.
A snooty pigeon waiter has just brought a large green birthday cake in the shape of Ireland to the table of the Tooney Brothers. The skunks and rabbits badgers and marmots are singing. Now everybody is slapping Frankie Tooney on the back. Now they are toasting Frankie Tooney with little ornate glasses of dark liquid which resembles Worchester sauce.
Frankie Tooney has just blown out the candles. Slices of green cake are being passed around.
The snooty pigeon waiter has just brought a tray of Chocolate Covered Stink Bugs.
Father Tooney now appears to be leading everyone in prayer.
April 23
MENU
Corn on Cob
Corn Dog
Corn Pudding
Milk
Melodrama Class
Today we brought dinner plates from home. On account of we are practicing hysterical arguments. Practicing hysterical arguments involves much throwing of plates.
Nini and Moses the Crow are demonstrating a hysterical argument. Moses is strutting about and is holding his wings out wide. Moses is making deafening screetches.
Nini is caterwauling at Moses. Nini is throwing one plate after another at Moses's head. Moses is pretty good at ducking those plates.
Dinner plates are exploding all over the wall where the Map of the World is displayed. The Midwestern United States is getting hit especially hard.
April 24
Baked Tilapia
Creamed Corn
Tapioca Pudding With Raisins
Milk
Biology Class
A large fish tank is setting on Mr. Muzzlewhite's desk at the front of the room. Inside that tank is a little pond and a stone and some gravel and a little food dish with some lettuce.
A Mud Skipper is halfway out of the little pond. It is glowering at us and drumming his fins on a rock.
We are supposed to interview the Mud Skipper.
Why do you have legs also fins.
That was Chessie.
Mind your own business kid.
Where are your parents.
Joey Binks the dwarf goat always asks boring questions.
Who wants to know.
Tell us about your spiritual life. Particularly your views on the hereafter.
Ben.
That's it I've had enough of this.
The Mud Skipper has disappeared with a loud plop into the little pond.
Mr. Muzzlewhite is explaining that this is why Mud Skippers live reclusive lives in malodorous swamps.
However Snooples is not paying attention. Snooples is catching flies and is putting them in her lunch box once again.
The trapped flies have become hysterical.
Snooples lunch box rumbles like a small nuclear reactor.
I pass Snooples a note.
LUNCH BOXES ARE NOT FOR FLIES
Snooples passes back a note.
it is not a lunch box. it is a TIME MACHINE.
April 25
MENU
Lacewing Consomme in Single-Serving Bird Bath
Praying Mantis Roe Frittata With Wild Rice
Enchanted Thistle Forest (For Two)
Brown Recluse Under Glass
That big Porkypine with the large pocket watch, he is dining at Chez Beak.
That Porkypine appears to be in the midst of a business meeting with several Weasel Lawyers, a extremely fat Woodchuck, and a Wild Boar which appears to be a real estate agent, judging from his pomade. They are drinking a bottle Pinot Noir. The Weasel Lawyers have papers spread all over the table.
Now that Porkypine, he is opening his wallet. He is removing a wad of thousand dollar bills in a gold money clip from his wallet. He is counting out ten...twenty...fifty...eighty five thousand dollars. Now they are shoving all sorts of papers at the Porkypine for signing. Now the Porkypine is dabbing his chin with a ivory colored French Linen Napkin.
A chickenhawk waiter has just arrived with three servings of Death By Duckling for the Weasels and a glass of cognac for the Porkypine.
April 26
MENU
Earthworms Escapade
Snails In Shell on Bed of Regurgitated Moleskins and Fresh Greens
Gypsy Moth Pate With Centipede-Morel Tappinade
Stink Bug Boullionaise
Watching with L.L. Bean Binoculars the goings on in Chez Beak .
A whole large family of black gerbils with white feet is having supper at Chez Beak. A baby gerbil setting in a high chair waving a Honey-Dipped Ladybug by one antenna.
A smug golden thrush wearing a white vest has just brought a steaming platter of Chicken-Fried June Bugs to the table.
Everyone is serving theirselves.
That baby gerbil just hurled a Chicken-Fried June Bug leg onto the floor. That Chicken-Fried June Bug Leg has skidded across the tiles and under a table where two elderly Woodchucks are dining on Sushi of Luna Moth.
April 27
MENU
Faux Biftek Avec Les Yeux de Poissons
Mouse Kidney Submarine Sandwich, Cosmo Style
Dragon Fly Nymph-Leg Salad with Baby Corn
Suppertime
Chessie and Chickenloaf are ordering take-out from Chez Beak.
I believe I will have the Individual Pizza Slice Special with Baby Chopped Garter Snakes. It is pretty good.
April 29
MENU
Broiled, Split Cicada with Blood Worm Sauce
Puree of Tick With Key Limes
Chilled Blueberry Suet Cake
Playground
Ben is once again meditating and buzzing at the base of the Horse Chestnut Tree.
Ben says this Horse Chestnut Tree is old enough to remember the Buddha. Also the Baby Jesus. Also President Dwight D. Eisenhower.
However I have seen photographs of the school back when it served as a private academy for mountain lions. Only mountain lions attended.
This was back in the 1800s. In the photograph the mountain lion swim team is standing in a group wearing rubber caps and striped woolen bathing suits with long legs and long sleeves.
That horse chestnut tree, it was a small stick.
April 30
MENU
Cracked-Corn Chowder with Fresh-Baked Poppy Seed Meadow Muffins
Toasted Bag Worms and Fire Ant Salsa
Thick-Cut Mesquite-Grilled Tomato Horn Worm Chop
Flaming Mulberry Charade
Watching with L.L. Bean Binoculars the goings on in neighborhood under spirea bushes.
The rhododododendrons are blooming nicely.
A ancient blood hound with 1 1/2 ears is setting on the steps and is playing mournful harmonica tunes in front of the Gateway Shelter for Homely Dogs.
A starling with a white tea towel draped over one wing is showing an expensive bottle of wine to two Indigo Buntings in the dimly lit Chez Beak. Those Buntings, they are having a candle lit supper.
A lone battered orange Datsun pickup truck the size of a clarinet case is parked in front of the Cowboy Bar. Two Beavers are inside playing shuffle board. One of those Beavers, he is guzzling Miller Lite.
All in all it is a fine spring evening.
