September 1
Waiting for school bus.
Wearing school clothes from last year which have little lint balls all over them. Lunchbox also is from last year and is rusted to hell and smells like old bananas.
Have not had the time to purchase new gymnasium shoes or to get head fur trimmed and styled as was on the Continent of Africa for duration of August.
Snooples and Chessie, their leotard knees are already bagging considerably. I don't know how they accomplish this so quickly.
Those white tail deer over there wearing black turtleneck sweaters, they are fooling around. They are tossing a book satchel with their antlers. They will miss the bus.
Here comes the school bus. It is lumbering and belching around the corner with various kids faces peering out the windows.
Pia, she is stamping out her cigarette and is cursing under her breath.
September 1, Continued
First day of school.
Ms. Wysiwyg, she is printing the years curriculum on the black board.
DENSE COMPOSITION AND INFLATABLE RHETORIC
PLAIN GEOMETRY
LATIN 1, 2
PSYCHOLOGY OF BIVALVE MULLUSKS
ROD MCKUEN SUITABLE FOR ALL OCCASIONS
COBOL
SHOP or HOME ECONOMICS
GROSS, DISGUSTING ANATOMY
HONORS SEMINAR: ANALYSIS OF THE MUSICAL COMPOSITIONS OF GORDON LIGHTFOOT
BASIC DRAWING
GYM
DRIVER'S EDUCATION (LARGE KIDS ONLY)
This tiny, hinged desk which is attached to the chair by means of a flimsy metal arm, it keeps shifting forwards and backwards and forwards and backwards as I attempt to take notes which makes handwriting generally appear to be bipolar. Also am unable to concentrate as leotards crotch is in general vicinity of knees.
This is not to mention that also Bucky Lawlesses antlers are enormous this year. They are blocking everybodys view here in the 4th row.
September 1, Continued
Drawing class. Ms. Van Lips is demonstrating how to draw a dot.
September 2
Playground
Gym class. Taking turns leaping on large trampoline. The white tail deers, they are best at this.
Chessie is currently leaping upon the trampoline. Chessie is accomplishing elaborate midair flips.
Soon it will be my turn. However, I do not wish to leap upon that thing.
September 3
Ms. Wysiwyg is writing upon the black board.
COBOL: THE LANGUAGE OF THE FUTURE
Snooples is drawing little skulls all over her desk.
I wonder what that is about.
September 6
Shop Class
We are taking Shop Class. It is fun. The shop room, it smells like nice sawdust.
Am attempting to pry up some mangled nails from a plank with a large screwdriver. Chickenloaf is sanding a gigantic newel post which she has built. Snooples is poinking little nails into a oak board with a tiny claw hammer.
Ben and Bucky Lawless and Bing Hamton, they are not in Shop Class. Ben and Bucky Lawless and Bing Hamton, they are taking Home Economics.
Poink poink poink poink poink. The little nails with which Snooples is poinking into the oak board, they sound as though somebody is running up a scale on one of those thumb piano things.
September 8
Gordon Lightfoot Seminar
Ms. Wysiwyg, she is giving a slide show.
There is a big pitcher of the Edmund Fitzgerald on the screen.
I already know this stuff.
September 9
10 p.m.
Hunched over dining room table. Completing Rod McKuen Suitable for All Occasions worksheet which Ms. Wysiwyg has mimeographed in lavender ink.
Snooples and Chessie, they are deeply concentrating on a Parcheesi game upon the Turkey Rug. They are resting their chins upon one paw. They are frowning at the board. They are stomping the little wooden knobheads around the Parcheesi board.
What is a suitable Rod McKuen poem with which to honor bumblebees? I do not know.
I believe that I am becoming dizzy from the mimeograph ink. I think I will go lie down.
September 10
9 p.m.
Snooples and Chessie, they are lying on their stomachs with their hind feet wagging in the air. They are silently absorbed in another Parcheesi game upon the Turkey Rug.
However, the little knobheads, they never get to go home. The Little Knobheads, they just wander around and around and around the Parcheesi board.
Must compose a poem about vague and undefinable angst in the manner of Rod McKuen's poetic technique only without using the word "silence." Poem must mention footprints, preferably along deserted beach. Also a tragic seashell. Must be directed at some unknown individual of the second-person singular variety.
I anticipate that this will be most difficult.
September 11
Continue to wrestle with second-person singular.
Interminable Parcheesi game is becoming nerve wracking.
SNOOPLES AND CHESSIE SEND THOSE KNOBHEADS HOME.
Snooples and Chessie, they look aghast.
nay! that would be the death of them!
Chessie points this out.
I believe I will go check on the Tilapia Pups.
September 12
Saturday Afternoon
On back portch steps observing with L.L.Bean Binoculars the comings and goings in the neighborhood underneath the spiarea bushes. Carpenter bees wearing little leather toolbelts are buzzing past binocular lenses toting little lumber planks.
Neighborhood under the spiarea bushes appears to be experiencing Urban Sprawl. It is rambling over in the direction of the Janitors Volkswagen which is parked beneath the large maple tree. Now there are several gift shops also a manicurist. Plus a pawn broker. Also a antique dealer. Also a furrier of which the proprietor is a mink.
Also the Tooney Brothers, they have taken to building various stone structures around the neighborhood. They are currently building what appears to be yet another stone toilet.
HEY TOONEYS WHY ARE YOU CONSTRUCTING WHAT APPEARS TO BE YET ANOTHER STONE TOILET.
'Tis no toilet! 'Tis a Smokehouse For Hams!
September 13
Evening
Am practically tearing my own ears out. On account of must set lengthy Rod McKuen poem to music in the manner of tragic opera featuring Vikings and a cow. Must include bongo solo. Also 1 military tank.
However, am unable to concentrate on account of Nini is in the kitchen clattering pans. Also Chickenloaf and Ben have the volume of the television set turned up and are watching a movie with cowboys riding across the screen firing guns every which way. Mom and Dad are in the basement running something that sounds like jackhammers. Pia is yelling at somebody on the phone and is calling them a manure head. Snooples and Chessie are wheezing on their melodicas.
September 14
Utilizing Nini's Opera Glasses with which to observe wildlife in back yard .
The Tooney brothers, they are standing around wearing their matching brown leather shovel hats. They are smoking pipes and they are admiring their latest structure of stone. Barley Tooney has plunged his leather-gloved paws into the pockets of his red plaid woolen vest. He is beaming at his handiwork. Frankie and Looney are dusting off the structure of stone with little whisk brooms.
Now the Tooney Brothers, they are standing in stiff and pleased poses in front of their Smokehouse For Hams. Snooples is taking a photograph with a old camera which resembles fireplace bellows on sprattled legs.
Poof!
Snooples just flashed some old kind of instrument which has created a noisome and jetty smoke. Now everything seems frozen and black and white. Also slightly tilted.
September 16
Dining Room Table
Attempting to grasp the finer points of COBOL. Of which there apparently is none.
Entire family is glum. This is on account of Ben went and dranked a whole gallon of strawberry milk directly out of the carton and then vomited it up and down the hallway and Snooples and Chessie became stuck in it wearing their brand new socks with the individual toes and some of the pink milk vomit, it seeped in between the floorboards whereupon it immediately became cheese.
Then Ben, he attempted to swab up the pink milk vomit. Making use of the hem of his silk kimono. However this action merely shoved the pink milk vomit around in ever increasing circles.
September 18
Evening
Standing here wearing snaggly and twiggy old yard work sweater. Am observing the dilapidated vegetable garden whilst waiting for Pia to re-gap the lawnmower sparkplug. Some sort of enterprising caterpillars equipped with a tiny chainsaws have got into Ninis squash plants.
September 20
Psychology of bivalve mollusk class. Dr. Muzzlewhite is at the head of the classroom. He is garbed in his white laboratory coat. Dr. Muzzlewhite is holding up a freshwater clam in one paw. He is pointing to it with the other paw.
Dr. Muzzlewhite has taken to wearing gold rimmed spectacles these days.
We have in front of us upon our laboratory tables freshwater clams. They are lying in dishes with little ponds.
Also upon our laboratory tables are melodicas.
We are supposed to play said melodicas for the benefit of the freshwater clams. Freshwater clams are soothed by a well played melodica.
Now the room is a-wheeze with hideous melodica music.
No no no no no no no Dr. Muzzlewhite is saying. That is not the correct technique.
Now Dr. Muzzlewhite is playing a smooth, jazzy number upon his melodica. The freshwater clam lying in the dish upon Dr. Muzzlewhites laboratory table, it appears to be very relaxed.
Now let's try again. Dr. Muzzlewhite is tapping the laboratory table with his white conductors baton.
The room is once again a-wheeze with hideous melodica music.
September 22
Observing with L.L. Bean binoculars the goings on in the neighborhood underneath the spiarea bushes. Appears to be some sort of commotion occurring in front of the furrier shop. Several small animals are marching back and forth carrying hand-lettered signs. Chessie is amongst them. Chessie is wearing her red hat with the pom poms on each ear.
September 25
Once again observing with L.L. Bean Binoculars the goings on in back yard. The Tooney Brothers, they are out in their plaid wool jackets and matching woolen scarves. They are wearing their expensive crabs leather gloves.
The Tooney Brothers, they are encasing the Janitors Volkswagen in stones. They feel that that is appropriate as the Janitors Volkswagen is now a Cathedral. Father Tooney, he is directing the operation. That Cathedral, it is looking pretty good.
September 29
Shop Class
Am whittling a little stick. I anticipate that it will be a clothes pin.
Snooples is cutting intricate dovetail joints for the barrister shelves which she is constructing.
Chessie is blasting through large slabs of metal with a enormous cutting torch which showers sparks everywheres which reflect dramatically within the dark and mysterious rectangular window of Chessies welders helmet which looks like a accessory one might wear when walking along the bottom of the ocean.
September 30
Observing with small hand-held spotting scope the evening activities in the back yard.
Nini is wearing pink gloves which go all the way up to the elbows and Nini is deadheading the Tea Roses. Snooples is practicing with a hula hoop. Some chickmumps are having a yard sale.
Those small animals, they are once again marching back and forth in front of the furriers shop carrying signs. Chessie is amongst them wearing a straw hat with a long blue ribbon which dangles off the back of the brim. There is a name for that type of hat. Oh yeah. A Goater.
STOP THE FUR
FUR IS BAD
That is the sort of thing those signs say.
IT IS NOT NISE TO WEAR SOMETHING WHICH SOMEBODY ELSE HAS WORNED
That is what Chessies sign says.
However, the mink which owns the furrier shop, he appears to be unfazed by these events. That mink, he is leaning in the doorway of his furriers shop, and he is smoking a long and elegant black cigarette. That mink, he is wearing a tall cylindrical chinchilla hat. He appears to be amused.
Meanwhile the Tooney Brothers, they are building yet another structure of stone.
HEY TOONEYS IS THAT FOR HAMS.
Ach, no. 'Tis an Astronomical Observatory!
Maybe I will walk around the house and see what the life size plastic deer is doing.
