Friday, December 1
It is December my favorite month on account of Christmas!
Pia says don't use that word around Mom and Dad they look like deers caught in the headlights.
But I checked the headlights on Dad's truck and also on Mom's truck, and there are no deers in there, not that I see anyways.
And anyways I love Christmas!
Saturday, December 2
December is a Very Busy Month on account of Christmas! That is because you have to buy presents and stuff or maybe make presents if you are good at crafts such as Weakie.
Also you have to cover up a tree in spangles and make it stand up straight in your living room without leaning to one side or the other side or driving in nails all over the walls. Which is not easy.
Also you make delicious baked goods! My favorite delicious baked good is Mazel Tov Dough because it is a dough made from some nuts. They feed it to birds in Denmark.
You roll it in chocolate powder and it looks like musket balls laying around on the plate. But it does not taste like musket balls!
Also you sing a lot of really good songs! I love those songs! Especially Anchors Aweigh in a Manger that song makes me so terribly sad because it's about this little kid who has to sleep on some hay but he doesn't mind even though there are cows mooing all over the place.
I wouldn't mind sleeping on some hay. Hay smells pretty good.
Also there is the Christmas party at school! You get to change presents with one other kid and you never know what you will get in that present. Last year I got a suet cake. Ben ate that suet cake.
Also there is the Christmas play! This year I get to be a angel with candles on her head!
Sunday, December 3
I wonder how deers actually get caught inside headlights of cars and trucks. Pia says it happens all the time. Buck, doe, spotty fawn. Doesn't matter.
Nini says it is sad but true.
It must be awful!
I have looked in some headlights but haven't found any yet. If I find any, I will smash those headlights with my lunchbox!
Monday, December 4
Elvis the Pine Siskin was really really good last night! There was this beetle rolling this big ball of dried dung everywhere! Elvis sang some really nice Holiday songs!
Tuesday, December 5
Tonight was the best Elvis the Pine Siskin ever! It was about this old claw hammer laying out in the middle of nowheres and rusting!
The cinematography was beautiful!
Wednesday, December 6
Today on the way to school I saw a smashed deer out of the bus window just beyond the trailer park.
Pia says there's one that got caught in the headlights for sure.
So they get stuck inside a headlight and then they end up smashed. It is just awful!
Thursday, December 7
It is almost bedtime Chickenloaf is whiffling in her sleep.
I am not sleepy on account of Christmas!
Elvis was 1 hour late on TV tonight because of the GRINCH which makes me dizzy plus I feel like I have got antlers on my head. Then I get very weepy! That is on account of those Whoosiers when they sing That Blue Taurus and the Grinches heart goes BOING.
Saturday, December 9
Today I made a Christmas present for Nini. I made a little purse out of some Christmas paper featuring penguins. Then I poked some holes in it and looped some laundry rope through those holes and tied a big bow with some coat buttons on the end.
Those coat buttons have little anchors on them! They are very Christmassy!
I stapled it together, plus some wood glue. I used big staples, so it is extremely strong.
Also I glued some sparkles all over it and next I drew a drawing of a little Holsteen cow. That little cow has some mistletoe stuck on her horns and she has a big smile!
Then I took this clear stuff like you stick on bathroom windows and I laminated it about a thousand times. It has some air bubbles but not bad.
Then I ironed it to make it flat.
It turned out really really good!
Monday, December 11
Tonight Elvis the Pine Siskin was hilarious! It about this little green beetle larva which piles its own poop on its back to scare everybody!
He had a nice personality though.
Tuesday, December 12
Today Mom took us all the way to the Logan Valley Maul! We sang Christmas songs all the way and I saw some deers standing along the road with goggle eyes. I rolled down my window and I yelled at those deers WATCH OUT FOR HEADLIGHTS YOU DEERS! Chickenloaf's stocking hat with the fluffy pom pom blew off and it went snakeing down the road.
The Logan Valley Maul is very pretty with fountains and Earring Palaces and there is an emasculator you can ride up and down to the different floors but you have to be careful not to pinch your tail. Plus, lots of really nice Christmas music! That music gave Mom a big headache.
The cool thing about mauls is it is always Christmastime.
Pia got her armpit pierced at a Earring Palace which is all the style nowadays. I bought Christmas presents for Snooples and Chessie!
For Chessie I got some snuggly flannel pajamas and a little stuffed sheep made of wool. For Snooples I got some colored pencils and some little tiny leg warmers.
There were all these little plastic barn scenes in the stores full of cows and sheep and Jesus and they looked just like our Christmas play last year! Mom says you put those little barns on top of your television so you have something to look at when the television is on.
That is a good idea!
Those barn scenes, they had little plastic people and little plastic animals with faces painted on. I got real close and I looked at those painted on faces on those little people in the barn scenes. They all looked glum.
Wednesday, December 13
We are practicing the Christmas play for the first time at three o'clock today this afternoon! I get to wear a long white robe with some spangles on it.
Last year Ben got to be The Mighty Savior.
This year he is a sheep.
I hope those head candles do not scortch my ears.
Thursday, December 14
Yesterday afternoon we practiced the Christmas play. In this play I get to walk through the dark with all these candles on my head carrying a big plate of buns! In the end I give everybody some buns!
I have to wear these oak bark sandals which make my toes feel like marbles between my toes.
Friday, December 15
I asked Charlie how deer get caught in headlights. Charlie says that doesn't happen much anymore on account of most headlights these days are Sealed Beams.
That explains a lot.
Today we made musket balls and rolled them in chocolate powder also nuts!
But I cannot eat a musket ball. I need to lose some weight.
Sunday, December 17
Ben ate 27 of the musket balls. There are only 9 left.
Monday, December 18
Screw it I am eating some musket balls.
Tuesday, December 19
Last night Elvis the Pine Siskin was the Christmas Special! It was all about how Elvis invented rock music!
I didn't know Elvis invented rock music! That is so cool!
See, Elvis, he's skipping down the railroad track in the rain with his Worldly Goods and he finds this scraggly orange cat! That scraggly orange cat was named Ben just like our Ben!
The year is 1950.
That scraggly orange cat he is sitting there on a stack of old Hank Williams records along the railroad track in the rain and there's this banjo with no strings layin' on the ground! That cat, he has his face burried in his paws and that cat is sobbing! Just like Ben does sometimes on account of his Great Sense of Tragedy!
Ben, I mean our Ben, he was sitting on the edge of his sofa cushion and his eyes are twinkling! Ben, I mean our Ben, he says, "That's my Great Uncle Ben!"
I didn't know Ben had a Great Uncle Ben! Ben says yes, his Great Uncle Ben is famous for introducing the Zither in popular music, changing it forever!
Also he invented Inverted Rice!
Anyways, Ben, I mean Ben's Great Uncle Ben, he is sitting on that soggy stack of Hank Williams records and he is sobbing just like Ben does sometimes, I mean our Ben! So Elvis, he sings this happy song about a hound dog, and that cheers Ben right up! I mean Ben's Uncle Ben!
Ben, I mean our Ben, says that his Uncle Ben wrote that song about the hound dog. It took him an entire 20 minutes! I believe it!
Then Ben, I mean Ben's Uncle Ben, he tells his Life Story! It is this sad story of a Coal Miner's Cat who in spite of his Mother goes bad and spends too much time with Trains and ends up in Prison!
All on account of Banjos!
So Elvis, he says heck with Banjos! Then Elvis, he gives Ben, I mean Ben's Uncle Ben his zither! For keeps!
Wow!
Then Ben, I mean our Ben, says "Here's where it gets really good!" Elvis and Ben, I mean Ben's Uncle Ben, they travel all around the country and they talk all the banjo players out of playing banjos!
Then Elvis and Ben, I mean Ben's Uncle Ben, they sing this song, and Ben, I mean our Ben, he sings right along on account of he knows that song!
Oh..............!
Ben, he was a banjo player!
He was a really good banjo player!
Then he found out the strings were made of Cat Gut!Now he goes from town to town
and he says "Put them banjos down!
'Cause banjo strings are made from guts of cats that now are dead!"Oh, he goes from town to town,
and he says "Put them banjos down!
Put them down and play the zither instead!"
That's how Ben, I mean Ben's Uncle Ben introduced the Zither the most famous of which is the Flying Z, and Elvis, he invented Rock Music!
Then came the Life Lesson. Elvis says that no matter how poor you are, you always have music. That's because music is free!
Then there was this commercial for a whole album of Happy Holiday Songs by Elvis! It is only $52.95 and it has 10 whole songs plus the lyrics also some dance steps! Also a Elvis sticker and a Elvis poster and a Bendable Action Elvis the Pine Siskin Toy!
If I can have just one thing for Christmas that is what I want!
Wednesday, December 20
Tomorrow is the School Christmas Play! Last year I was nervous about the School Christmas Play but not this year. I am seasoned now.
Then after the School Christmas Play is the School Christmas Party!
Thursday, December 21
The School Christmas Play is in 15 minutes! I think I am going to barf!
Also I forgot to bring a damned present for the Christmas Party!
Friday, December 22
Yesterday was the Christmas Play! It went really really well! I had to walk through the dark with these candles blazing on my head followed by all these elves and some sheep! The elves, they sang Christmas songs, and the sheep went baa, and I handed out buns!
Then it was time for the Christmas Party! We had cookies and punch with little gumdrop Santas floating face down! I put a dessert fork from my lunch box underneath the tree and Joey Binks, he got that dessert fork. I got a nice Leica M4 camera!
Feral Colony, they played Christmas songs and we got to dance in our sock feet! Then they played a speed metal version of Elvis the Pine Siskin! It was really really good! We were dancing like crazy! Snooples she was springing in the air! Chessie she was bouncing like a mosquitoe! Ben had his eyes pinched shut and he was moving his paws in very slow and dramatic circles!
On the way home from school kids were throwing buns everywheres on the school bus!
Monday, December 25
It is Christmas Day! Snooples and Chessie are tearing open their presents and Chessie is dancing around and hugging her sheep and Snooples has her little leg warmers on!
Snooples legs look like red pencils.
I got the Elvis the Pine Siskin album plus some clothes plus a makeup kit!
I am taking photoes with my Leica!
