Sunday, Febuary 4
We are making Valentines for everybody on the Face of the Earth! We are scissoring up lint and pieces of food and mouse fur also Dad's shirts and other clothing items and we are glueing our scissored materials to chunks of paper and then drawing all over the chunks of paper with Gel Pens!
It is disgusting!
But pretty fun!
Snooples and Chessie, they have these special scissors which are only about 1 inch long and will never, ever poke. On account of Snooples and Chessie are very little.
Snooples, she is glueing glitter all over a this little tinfoil heart. She is wearing a little red sweater made out of sheep's fur. It has little red hearts knitteled right into the sheeps fur. She keeps getting her sleeves into the glue which is poured all over the table.
Dad is swabbing up the glue and lecturing us on how Elmer Glue is made out of cow feet or cow horns or something like that which is disgusting.
We are not listening.
Monday, Febuary 5
We are glueing noodles to our Valentines. This was Chickenloaf's idea.
Chickenloaf is glueing these noodles that look like Yak Horns all over this Valentine which she made out of a bar of soap. Those Yak Horns, they stick straight up in the air. Chickenloaf's Yak Horn Soap Valentine is highly unique. On account of it floats right on top of the water.
Snooples is glueing macaroni all over this Valentine she made out of 27 layers of toilet paper which she glued together layer by layer all week long allowing the previous layers to dry before applying the next layer. Snooples says this is her Toilet Paper Laminate Valentine. It is very very sturdy!
Chessie is glueing beef bullion cubes all in a nice neat row.
Tuesday, Febuary 6
Chessie glued little wheels of Laughing Cow Cheese all over my PawPilot and I had to pull all that cheese off my PawPilot and explain to Chessie PAWPILOTS ARE NOT FOR CHEESE.
Wednesday, Febuary 7
There is this great big lake of Elmer Glue all over the table and ladybugs keep getting stuck in the Elmer Glue. The ladybugs have to be pulled out the glue and wiped off and sent on their way. This is Ben's job.
That lake of Elmer Glue, it is drippling off the side of the table and now there is a puddle of Elmer Glue down on the floor. Ben, he stepped right into that puddle with his hind foot and now he will not stop kicking his hind foot out behind him.
Chessie just announced this: "Elmer Glue is milk!
Chessie has stuck her tongue way out to 5 inches long, and she is lapping up some Elmer Glue. She says "Yum! Yum! Milk!"
However I am certain that Elmer Glue is not milk.
Thursday, Febuary 8
I am making a Valentine for my toad Bufo Woodhouse. Also for my Black Rat Snake. It is very difficult to make a Valentine for a snake or a toad. Cultural differences mainly.
Also I forgot to say that my Black Rat Snake is getting very large! Sometimes he rampages around in his cardboard box! Yesterday I fed him a pork roast out of the refrigerator.
Friday, Febuary 9
Tonight we watched the Elvis The Pine Siskin Valentine Special! Donny and Marie Osmond, they were on that special!
Whoever they are.
Anyways, it was all about Wearing a Happy Smile All the Day Long. Even if you have ear mites or scabby fur or you are dragging around one bad leg. Nobody in that Special was dragging around one bad leg but that was the idea.
After The Elvis The Pine Siskin Valentine Special, guess what: More Valentines. Nini says if we make really good Valentines we will get to decorate them with Creme d'Anchois.
Chickenloaf is putting the finishing touches on her Used Insulin Syringe Valentine. It is very majestic.
Chessie will not stop writing all over Snooples with gel pens.
Saturday, Febuary 10
Charlie is making wine out of ladybugs. Red wine out of the wings and bodies. White wine out of the legs. He will age this wine in oaken casks and serve it at Christmas.
Sunday, Febuary 11
Today Ms. WYSIWYG showed us how to make red hearts out of some paper. See, you start with a big square of red paper. Then you fold it right in half and push down the fold with your paw so that it is nice and creased, similar to the front ends of Joey Binkses pants beneath the cuffs of which you can always see his knobby ankles.
Then you unfold the paper and you cut out this heart!
It comes out perfect every time!
Monday, Febuary 12
Dad is looking for that Pork Roast which was in the refrigerator. He says how the hell did a Pork Roast get lost out of the refrigerator.
My Black Rat Snake, he is either grinning about that Pork Roast or he is grinning about something else. It is hard to tell with a snake.
Tuesday, Febuary 13
I forgot to say that there are these two crows in our class now. Ones name is Amos and the others name is Moses, and they know American Sign Language. Even though they are not even deaf or anything.
They are from New Orleans.
Those crows, they sit on opposite sides of the classroom on account of we all sit in alf... alpf... We all sit by our first names, and those crows, they keep signaling to each other in American Sign Language.
Those crows have long and very yellow feet. Which are very good for American Sign Language.
Wednesday, Febuary 14
We all got a extension until the end of the month to finish our Valentines. On account of Snooples says she is having some debugging problems with her Valentine.
It is those Ladybugs probably.
Thursday, Febuary 15
Pia she hangs around exclusively with those crows now. She says she definitely can relate to those crows. Pia is learning how to say profanities in American Sign Language.
Friday, Febuary 16
Today in Show and Tell Moses played his shiny black Gibson guitar which is the shape of a crow and those crows, they sang Smothers Brothers songs such as this one:
Working all day long!
Working working working working working working working!
They are pretty nice crows but when they start yelling it is very noisy.
They know good jokes though.
Saturday, Febuary 17
Here is a joke I learned from those crows:
Amos: What is the difference between a litterbox and a hat?
Moses: I don't know. What's the difference?
Amos: So you're the one!
Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!
Sunday, Febuary 18
We are still making tons of Valentines on account of at school we are having a Valentine contest. The winners of the Valentine Contest, they each get these big jugs of locally produced maple syrup. I have never had maple syrup! It must be delicious!
I think I will work some more on my Red Heart Valentine and maybe give it legs or something. However I think it is pretty good. Also original!
Monday, Febuary 19
Snooples is now making a Valentine using Dad's computer at work.
Ben, he is making a Secret Valentine which he will not tell anybody about.
Me, I spent 3 1/2 hours on my Valentine and I gave it legs. I kept having to pull those legs off and glue them on again. In the end I used Dad's staple gun. I am pretty sure it will win the Valentine Contest now.
I am exhausted from making Valentine legs.
Tuesday, Febuary 20
Pia is taking shooting lessons from those crows.
Wednesday, Febuary 21
Valentines Day it is a rat race. Every spare minute I am making Valentines!
Thursday, Febuary 22
We are supposed to be making Valentines but mostly we are painting Elmer Glue on our paw pads and we are letting that Elmer Glue dry and then we are peeling it off like it is our very own skin! Chessie showed us how to do this!
It is so fun!
Sunday, Febuary 25
We are making Valentines again.
Chickenloaf, she is snipping up some of Dad's prettiest stock certificates. On account of they are really pretty and will make nice Valentines. Those stock certificates, they have these striding ladies wearing togos and carrying lanterns and pipe wrenches and stuff.
I am pulling the legs off my Valentine.
Monday, Febuary 26
Snooples is sanding her Toilet Paper Laminate Valentine with the electric sander. She wearing little bitty goggles.
Tuesday, Febuary 27
Today at school we had our Valentine Contest!
I won MOST ORIGINAL for my Red Heart Valentine on account of it's originality!
Pia won MOST POIGNANT for her Black Velvet Elvis Painting Valentine which depicts Elvis holding up a Mayonnaise Sandwitch. He has huge sad eyes. This is a whole other Elvis than the bird.
When you put your paw on the sandwitch it plays Kentucky Rain.
Chickenloaf won BEST USE OF MEDICAL WASTE for her Used Insulin Syringes Valentine.
Ben, he won MOST CONFUSING for his sealed antique canning jar full of cat pee in which is suspended a plastic Winnie The Pooh.
Snooples won BEST USE OF CONDITIONAL LOGIC on account of she made a Valentine using ColdFusion.
Wednesday, February 28
I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again. I will not misspell February again.
Thursday, February 29
Ms. WYSIWYG says now that Valentine Day is over it is time to gear up for Saint Patricks Day! She says we must hit the ground running!
We are going to make some posters plus write some poems!
Friday, February 30
It turns out this Saint Patrick guy, he drove a bunch of snakes out of Ireland and they all had to walk over to Australia.
Australia is Tammy Sue Elvidges Native Land she is a Hairy Nosed Wombat.
Tammy Sue Elvidge says that Australia is this big chunk of land and it sits in the water. It is shaped like a mouse kidney which is rich in snakes. You can't hardly go acrost your yard without tripping over about 14 snakes. Plus many of them are Poisonous Vippers.
It would be so great to live in Australia. Except there are Dingo Dogs.
Saturday, Febuary 31
Today in honor of Saint Patricks Day those two crows they dressed up in plaid skirts! Those crows, they marched all over the classroom and either Amos or Moses I can never tell which, he played WAR PIPES.
Those WAR PIPES they sounded like a kerjillion tomcats all getting nootled at once!
It is no wonder that long ago Enemies of Irish Guys Wearing Skirts when they heard those WAR PIPES hootin' and caterwaulin' they promptly fell down dead!
Sunday, Febuary 32
Nini says there are 28 days in Febuary not 32 why didn't anybody tell me now I have gone and messed up March.