Well here it is October, I guess.
There is no denying that it is October. I will have to face it!
October is Pia's highly favorite month. This is on account of The Holiday Known As Halloween. Pia explains that this is a Pagan Event involving Pagan Activities, such as the burning of the Brazeers of Witches. What is so Pagan about Witches Brazeers I don't know. But Pia says it is most definitely a Pagan Event.
Pia is going on and on and on and on about The Holiday Known As Halloween. It is getting on my nerves!
Pia likes to dress up as Cat Woman on Halloween. Pia says it is very freeing to wear a cat suit with cat ears. She wears these fake ears!
Pia says it is the only time of the year she is spiritually united with her ancestors except for Boxing Day.
What can I say Pia is nutso regarding Halloween.
Me I do not care for The Holiday Known As Halloween. The candied mice are good plus bobbing for chicken legs is also nice.
But I do not care for the punkins!
The fact is I am terrified of punkins! They have all these weird grooves. Smack a punkin and it makes this hollow booming sound.
Like Ben's head!
Sometimes I dream that punkins are rolling down the stairs right at me. Thumping and booming!
In the dreams they are made of Monster Cheeze!
Snooples, she was homeless once. But not really.
Anyways, I can hear Snooples in the Kitten Room typing on Mom's old manual typewriter. Snooples is writing her memoirs which so far are 687 pages long.
Snooples has had a very hard life.
Snooples memoirs are called These Here Cheeks: The Story of an Irish-American Feline, Beginning with the Potato Famine.
Potatoes are made of startch. They are pretty cute.
Punkins are sittin all over the place this time of year. They are scary as hell!
Many burn with fire inside. Nobody seems to notice this.
Sometimes they drool wax all over front portches. If I sat around drooling like that, let me tell you, Mom and Dad would be all over me.
Punkins are this weird Grateful Dead color.
Also they smell strange. Like old sponges.
Inside: slimy as dog's lips.
Also they rot.
Today Snooples wrote this song:
All night sleepin' in Chickenloaf's Bed!
But there was not a dry eye in the house!
I saw this punkin today it was rude. It had a face hacked into it like this:
It was so rude!
Today I went to the store buying a pack of Chicklets of the Sea and I walked around this display of spagetti noodles and I blundered right into this gigantic punkin the color of kitten diarreah! With warts all over it!
I fainted dead away!
When I woke up all these kids were standing around giggling like nuts and the butcher was nervisly dribbling tonic water all over my head.
It was horribly embarrassing!
This afternoon on the school bus coming home from school I had my nose pressed against the window looking for pretty deers in the woods and then we went through the trailer park and then I saw this punkin all over the road smashed to bits!
Its brains were dashed out everywhere!
It was STILL GRINNING.
Nini is constructing this gigantic table centerpiece for Halloween out of Indian corn and mixed nuts and autumn leaves and sequined Ostrich feathers and hubberd squash which are shockingly ugly.
Plus you guessed it Punkins.
There is no escape from Punkins!
Today we tried on our Halloween outfits to practice for the big parade. Pia dressed up as Cat Woman in a clingy black cat suit trimmed with white rabbit fuzz. Nini dressed up as Queen Elizabeth.
Chessie dressed up as a hot dog. She looked exactly like a hot dog!
Snooples, she got hold of this gigantic Bald Eagle outfit somewheres. That is her Halloween Outfit. She is still wearing it. She is clunking around dragging gigantic eagle wings attatched to her back. She is knocking over chairs and tables.
Snooples is trapped inside her Bald Eagle outfit. The zipper is stuck permanently. We can't get her out. We have to feed Snooples through the beak!
The weird thing is Snooples likes it. She always wanted to be a Eagle.
I cant take it. Chickenloaf is dressing up like a punkin for Halloween! Mom got her one of those outfits like they dress up HUMAN BABIES like punkins.
Which if you ask me is really twisted.
Nini says why are you afraid of punkins.
I don't know.
Nini says I must explore my feelings regarding punkins.
So now I am exploring my feelings regarding punkins. For one thing I hate them.
Today when we arrive at architectural engineering class Weakie, she has these little bitty punkins lined up all along the front of her desk!
I could not concentrate those punkins were the size of small rats!
What if they got loose and rolled all over the place? I would not be able to keep my composure.
Today during the architectural engineering exam, Ben got up to sharpen his purple crayon. He was wearing one of his long flimsy dresses and he tripped over Pia's tail. Pia yelled FUCK! Ben, he crashed into Weakie's desk.
Those little bitty punkins got loose! They rolled all over the place! One rolled under my foot!
It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I expected it would bite my foot but it did not.
Still, it was sickening.
Nini is going to hypno...hippno...knock me out cold.
So that I will no longer fear punkins.
Today Nini hypnotized my head! It really worked!
I had to stand very still with my feet together and stare straight ahead.
Then Nini held up one claw. STARE AT THE CLAW Nini says.
Food kibbles swirled through the air. Then everything went black! Then Ben rose up before me out of this black lagoon or something. Only it wasn't Ben it was a punkin.
That was it.
Well how do you feel about pumpkins now? Nini says.