May 1
I am sitting at the dining room table and I am writing in my little notebook from Summer Camp on account of my PawPilot got soaked with pee and will never work properly again.

Speaking of pee, I am wondering how cat pee stains got all over this notebook.

I am going to go talk to Chessie about this.

May 3
Sigh.

I am so Over Worked also Frazzled!

You should see my fur. It is all starchy looking on account of I am so Frazzled!

I am Frazzled on account of I have to write 18 papers by the end of June. Plus study for the Fifth Grade Comprehensive Exams.

Also I have a Science Project of which I have no idea!

 

May 4
It is late at night an I am studying for the Fifth Grade Comprehensive Exams. I am studying Boolean Mathematics which fortunately is easy.

Chickenloaf, she is making little Flash Cards with History facts and dates on them. She is humming "Marzy Doats." Chickenloaf is happy that she has all this studying to do.

Maybe I should turn Chickenloaf into a Science Project.

 

May 8
I have a really good idea for what to do my Science Project.

I think I will do my Science Project on THE WONDERS OF NATURE.

 

May 10
Today we had to take turns standing at the front of the Class Room in front of everybody, and we had to present our proposals for our Science Projects.

Chickenloaf gave this really long talk on Integrated Pest Management Utilizing Harmonic Frequencies of Epidermal Plant Cellular Structures. She had these charts. Everything was pink.

Pia, she gave this vigorous talk during which she paced back and forth and rubbed her paws together a lot and drew these jaggedy diagrams on the Chalk Board. Her talk was about Bent Horns: The Distortion of the Brass Instrument and Related Male Power Fixation, from Miles Davis to Present Times.

It was really interesting!

Except Pia, she kept cracking her knuckles while she was talking which got on everybody's nerves.

Bucky Lawless, his talk was on Stalking the Whitetail Deer: Tips for Hunters from an Actual Whitetail Deer. He showed us all these cool guns!

Ben's talk was on Science Diet Cat Food: Fact or Fiction? He handed out little sample cat food packets.

Then it was Chessie's turn. Chessie, she started talking about Why Cheese is Yummy, and she started swaying a circle and then Chessie, she fell right over backwards and was unconscious.

Chessie always faints when she has to speak in public.

 

May 11
So anyways, I have to think of another idea for my Science Project.

On account of when I presented my proposal on THE WONDERS OF NATURE everybody laughed!!!

I'm supposed to Narrow It Down, which means I have to write about Sow Bugs or whatever.

May 14
8 School Papers done 10 to go. My front toes are going to fall off.

Also the Fur on my legs is getting all bunchy on account of I have no time to get it combed. I have Fur Scrivvels all up and down my back. They feel like Baby O Possums clinging all over my back.

I cannot wait for school to be over and done with once and for all and Summer to begin so I can have a Life once again! Cats who never go to school, they don't know.

 

May 15
It is Breakfast Time once again and Snooples is not eating her breakfast but she is batting her breakfast all around the Kitchen Floor. Stop playing with your breakfast Snooples and eat it.

That is what I tell Snooples.

But Snooples, she just rampaged out of the room chasing one small breakfast kibble.

 

May 16
It is Breakfast Time once again and The Humans are crunching Grape Nuts!

I hate that sound of Grape Nuts!

Anyways, they are crunching Grape Nuts and feeding some Grape Nuts to Snooples on account of Kittens, they will eat anything.

Dad does not know this but Chessie is lapping up coffee out of his coffee cup. Soon Chessie will go ramming all around the house.

This happens every day.

 

May 17
Today Snooples fell into the bathtub full of water and became soggy.

Nini had to wrap Snooples up in a dish towel. Nini made a turban for Snooples head out of 1 dry washcloth. Snooples is wearing that turban and she is wearing my bedroom slippers on account of her Fuzzy Rabbit slippers are soaked and they look like drowned Norway Rats. Snooples is watching Bugs Bunny cartoons.

Snooples is a pretty good kid except that she likes to fish used toilet paper out of the toilet and eat it.

 

May 21
I know what I want to be when I grow up. I want to be a NATURE PHOTOGRAPHER.

I am practicing taking pitchers of NATURE with my Leica which I got at the School Christmas party.

Here is a pitcher of a O Possum.

Dad says why does it look flat like a Road Kill. I don't know.

 

May 26
I am working on my Fifth Grade Final Paper which is supposed to be My Life Story. It is supposed to illustrate that we learned something about Good Writing this year.

Where does Weakie get these Whacko Ideas? Writing is too fluid, too etherial to capture on paper!

 

May 27
Walter Burnside's Dad wants his Leica back on account of Walter wasn't actually supposed to bring it to the School Christmas Party and exchange it and stuff, but too late it is mine.

May 28
Today Snooples almost beheaded Weakie.

See, we're there eating our Breakfast, and Snooples, she leaps on top of the lid of the big Cat Food can which is laying on the table, and that lid it makes this big sound Whannnnnnggggg!

Weake, she looks up to see what the noise is just as that lid with Snooples riding on it goes sliding off the table right at Weakie's neck!

Then Mom catches it in Mid Air!

Good thing Mom caught that can lid because otherwise we would be selling Weakie's head at a yard sale.

 

May 31
I just had a Awful, Terrible Thought.

I wished that Snooples had beheaded Weakie.

On account of then School would be closed!