july 1, 2005
dear diary:
the weather today, it was real nice.
your friend,
snooples
july 2, 2005
dear diary:
the weather today, it was also real nice.
your friend,
snooples
july 3, 2005
dear diary:
the weather today, it was also real nice once again.
chessie was in a frightful mood. stomped a cereal box.
your friend,
snooples
july 4, 2005
dear diary:
today i plugged my iPaw into nini's victrola and i played sousa marches all day.
also i helped nini peel potatoes. and make cole slaw!
later when we were getting ready to attend the fireworks and we were packing our winter coats into the truck i found ben's iPaw thrown out into the yard.
that was sad.
your friend,
snooples
july 6, 2005
dear diary:
ben's iPaw, it is okay.
however, chessie will not eat any coleslaw. chessie says it is COLD SLOP.
your friend,
snooples
july 7, 2005
dear diary:
the drain devils, they have been yelling a lot lately and emitting bad gas.
that is because of the drought.
the drain devils, they are unattractive. i think they are all bachelors.
your friend,
snooples
july 9, 2005
dear diary:
i have a new aquaintance. he has 2 legs underneath him.
his name is mimulus beak!
your friend,
snooples
july 10, 2005
dear diary:
mimulus beak, he is a LOQUACIOUS GUY. Also a tasteful and snappy dresser. he has alot of mechanical toys. which he bestows upon us kittens!
your friend,
snooples
july 11, 2005
dear diary:
mimulus beak, he gave us a Viewmaster. you look inside: the edumnd fitzgerald!
your friend,
snooples
july 13, 2005
dear diary:
gracie, she says to me, she says, mimulus beak has DANGLING PARTICIPLES.
i have not seen anything dangling.
anyways, i think that might be impolite.
your friend,
snooples
july 14, 2005
dear diary:
gracie, she says to me, mimulus beak, he builds hazardous buildings.
LISTEN TO THE SPARROWS.
That is what gracie says.
however, mimulus beak, he has given chessie and me a easy bake oven!
your friend,
snooples
july 15, 2005
dear diary:
today i recieved 3 letters in the mail!
July 12, 2005
Darling Snooples,
Enclosed is the rosary which you requested for Father Tooney, as well as one for your collection, as I believe you will like it very much. I shall send the votive candles separately, as they must be packed with care.
The rosaries are made from genuine June Beetles, as you can see. Our young Blue Tick Hounds in the orphanage make them to raise funds so that they may attend carpentry school.
They inject the preserved beetle carcasses with epoxy, then coat them with nautical varnish. The eyes are real garnets.
You might want to advise Father Tooney not to allow his nephew to chew on this one, as he did the rosary made of preserved Blue Gill eggs. Young skunks sometimes show rather pooor judgement. I do not believe the menthol-based preservative would be agreeable, gastronomically speaking, to a skunk.
Funds have poured into the orphanage since last month's National Geographic special. We are planning to construct a Snooples House Rumpus Room for all the chipmunks beginning in the spring. You must be present for the dedication. I insist!
Until next time, Vaya Con Dios.
Your Adoring Brother,
Nosegay
P.S. Please, if you will, tell Pork Boat that I wish he would find the time to write a bit more often. I realize he is on the Everest climbing expedition and has been very busy working on his film. However, one letter in eight months is rather dismal.
July 3, 2005
Dear Sis,
Am writing to you from halfway up Mt. Everest. You'd like it here. Great view this evening. Some bizarre little wooly airplanes just flew over.
Never could understand why people think climbing Everest is so tricky. We've been up and down the mountain eight times this past week. All you need is four paws and a bunch of cans of Sardines.
We've got six felines, an Agouti, a Pelikan, and four Beagles with us on this expedition, along with the usual bevy of civet cats lugging our stuff. Rather uneventful so far. The Beagles keep running off up ahead, detouring here and there, and generally nosing around. If it wasn't for their tags jingling, we wouldn't be able to locate them in squalls.
We did find the frozen remains of a mountain climber a couple of days ago (the Beagles found the remains, actually). It was a woodchuck. Damned old one, too, from the looks of his gear. Woolrich hasn't made that type of plaid in 40 years or more. I think this might have been one of Hillary's woodchucks.
Anyway, we salvaged his camera and his journal. Typical woodchuck: terrible penmanship.
Speaking of which, tell Nosegay it wouldn't kill him to write a little more often. I know he's busy harvesting rhutabagas or some damned thing, but a vow of silence doesn't mean he can't pick up an inkpen, does it?
Something's clawing at the outside of the tent. Guess I gotta go.
Look for the new film to be out sometime next June. I wanted to call it Whiskey and Aphids, after the book but had to settle for Turkey in the Woods. Oh well.
Love Ya Kiddo,
Pork Boat
July 1, 2005
Dear Snooples,
Thank you ever so very much for the Easy Bake Oven! We extended an electrical cord up the hill from the Village Outlet last evening, plugged it in, and used it to bake millet cakes. They turned out light and fluffy!
Your Friend,
Muffin
july 17, 2005
dear diary:
i am setting next to the wading pool on a little wooden chair which used to be charlies. i am watching the toads as they are swimming.
pia and chessie, they are tanning their leg fur.
your friend,
snooples
july 18, 2005
dear diary:
it's about beaks! it's about feet!
that is what mimulus beakhe is yelling today. mr. beak, he is hopping up and down upon the seat of his roadster. he is yelling through his megaphone.
mr. beak, he is wearing leather driving gloves upon his foots.
yesterday, mr. beak gave chessie and myself a SLINKY.
july 20, 2005
the SLINKY, it was supposed to slink downstairs. but chessie, she did not know how to do it.
chessie, she threw it downstairs and it landed with a crunch.
your friend,
snooples
july 22, 2005
dear diary:
hello little kitty! remember me? oh well!
that is what mimulus beak, he yells at chessie whenever chessie wanders out into the yard.
when mr. beak, he yells at chessie, she vigorously shakes her head. scowling all the while.
chessie pretends at being too busy concentrating upon her socket wrench. this is when chessie is removing all the wheels from the lawnmower or something of that nature.
sometimes chessie, she pretends at being too busy concentrating upon setting up dads camera tripod. chessie likes to set up dads camera tripod and then attach a sandwitch to the top.
anyways, that is what chessie does.
hello mr. beak!
that is what i yell.
your friend,
snooples
july 23, 2005
dear diary:
chessie, she is scowling and kicking at the driveway pebbles. chessie is damaging the round and tattered toe of her sneaker which once was red but now is pink. chessie, she will not speak to anyone.
a local magazine which is called HOT WINDS.
that magazine: it wishes to write a article about the pipe organ which chessie welded.
we are standing around in the driveway trying to talk chessie into agreeing to this.
outrageous fame!
that is what chickenloaf says.
big bucks.
that is what pia says.
paving the way for small cat metal artists everywhere.
that is what nini says.
chessie has folded her arms across her chest. chessie has extended her lower lip in a dramatic fashion and does not look like a nice kitten at all.
if there is anything chessie does not tolerate it is publicity.
your friend,
snooples
july 24, 2005
dear diary:
today chessie packed the carburetor of the rototiller full of COLD SLOP.
gracie went to start up the rototiller and found the COLD SLOP within the carburetor. gracie said WHAT THE and then gracie said a word which i must never ever repeat.
then gracie muttered a lot more bad words all the time removing the carburetor and throwing the COLD SLOP onto the yard.
chessie, she stomped her foot.
it is art! you shall never understand!
WHY THE HELL CAN'T YOU DO FINGER PAINTING LIKE NORMAL KIDS.
then chessie, she kicked over the plastic deer. its brisket fell off and chessie stomped away.
your friend,
snooples
july 27, 2005
dear diary:
one thing about summer. everybody is in horrible moods.
except for me and mr. beak.
your friend,
snooples
july 30, 2005
dear diary:
chessie says mimulus beak, maybe he is okay.
mimulus beak, he wears no fur. only a woolrich vest sometimes. that is saying something with chessie.
so mimulus beak, maybe he is okay. that is what chessie says.
your friend,
snooples
