Monday, February 1, 1999
Today Ben was fizzing and fizzing and itching all over. The skin along his back kept twitching and then he'd leap into the air! Finally he flopped right down on his back and had another near-death experience!
Tuesday, February 2, 1999
Pia and I got tickets to see Korn and Rob Zombie! I cannot wait! Chickenloaf says I can borrow her pink beret and Pia says I can borrow a pair of her high heels if I don't act like a jerk.
Wednesday, February 3, 1999
Today Ben got his Big Name. It is Buffalo Ben Carhart. Now he has a first name and a last name and a middle name just like the rest of us. Pia says Ben's last name should be Dover.
Thursday, February 4, 1999
Today we all had popcorn that we sniffed but did not eat and watched Titanic. Chickenloaf told us the story about how she is Anastasia and she almost went down with the Titanic but she swam and swam and came to New York City. Dad says she can't possibly be Anastasia because he's Anastasia. Nini says no she's Anastasia but she doesn't want to talk about it. Ben says he's Anastasia too!
Friday, February 5, 1999
Every day Chickenloaf gets her insulin shots. She's writing a book about it called The Needle and the Damage Done. I told Mom today that I need insulin shots too. So did Pia. So did Weakie. So did Charlie. So did Ben.
Saturday, February 6, 1999
Today Ben was dragging around a bag of Chinese noodles! He ate a whole lot of the Chinese noodles plus also a lot of the wax paper bag they came in and he had a tummy ache but he wanted all the rest of the Chinese noodles! Pia says Ben has BRAIN WORMS.
Sunday, February 7, 1999
Today Mom is listening to a band called Béla Phlegm and the Phlegmthroats. Or something like that. Ben is all starry-eyed and he says that Béla Phlegm reminds him of the music from his native land.
Monday, February 8, 1999
I gotta e-mail from a lady veterinarian this weekend! She says she likes my journal very much. I am so excited! Pia says watch out or she'll stick a thermometer up your butt.
Tuesday, February 9, 1999
This morning we were all in the hallway waiting for Mom and all the sudden Weakie got scared and we all got scared and we ran as fast as we could! Mom said all six of us skidded down the hall like snowmobiles! I don't remember what scared us. But later we saw Mrs. Mouse was laying on the floor!
Wednesday, February 10, 1999
I learned that when Dad calls me over to his chair, he wants to scratch my neck! I'm the best at getting neck scratches because I know how to move my head around so I get scratched everywhere. Nini is the worse 'cause she licks fingers. Mom calls her Licky as Lips.
Thursday, February 11, 1999
Tonight Chickenloaf was in Dad's leather chair and she started flipping around and scooting around and then she caught her tail and bit the pink Q-Tip on the end of it! Then she was startled 'cause it hurt and she had a mouth full of pink fur!
Monday, February 15, 1999
Ben has a Very Serious Emotional Problem. When Mom or Dad scold him or squirt him with the water bottle he goes and gets in his litter box and digs and digs and digs and then he digs the walls around the box and then he digs the floor around the box and Chickenloaf has to go and coax him out of his litterbox. She is very calm. She says give me the gun, son. He looks at her and goes back to digging in his litterbox. Then Mom or Dad come and toss him out of the litterbox and he wanders away like nothing has happened.
Tuesday, February 16, 1999
Last night Mom said time to get out the Cat Crumbler! Then they got out this machine that was big enough to put a cat inside and they must have put a cat inside to crumble because then we heard a cat thumping around inside and then we could smell a cat BAKING and then out came a loaf of bread! Pia says time to start another petition.
Wednesday, February 17, 1999
Now that I'm a Real Journalist, I have a Deep Throat! We meet twice a week in the shadows under the dining room table. I don't know who Deep Throat is I only see the back of his head and it looks a lot like the back of Ben's head. He wears a trenchcoat but it looks like one of the dish towels. Last night Deep Throat told me that one of us is next for the Cat Crumbler.
Thursday, February 18, 1999
Here is Nini in her Grubbing Position also called The Comet. This is how she meditates and then she leaves her body and shoots all around the Universe.
Friday, February 19, 1999
Tonight Deep Throat told me that when Dad was sleeping he heard Charlie crunch, crunch, crunch. He though oh well, Charlie is eating french fries. No, potato chips. Lots of potato chips. Then Dad's eyes sprung open! All that was left of the mouse was from the waist down!
Saturday, February 20, 1999
Today is Mom's birthday! We gave her a Map of the World that we made from cat food kibbles glued together. We didn't have any glue so we used eggs and it worked pretty well. Mom said she liked it so much that she's going to take it out in the yard where the wildlife can enjoy it.
Sunday, February 21, 1999
Pia says tonight she's going to go see Alanis Morrissette and Garbage! Ben says he likes Alanis Morrissette and Garbage because they remind him of the music from his native land.
Monday, February 22, 1999
Pia went to see Alanis Morrissette and Garbage last night! She says she wore red spandex and went with a bunch of goats. The goats kept lighting their cigarette lighters and waving them back and forth and going baaaaaaa and then they thought they were in a mosh pit and they passed Pia overhead!
Pia says she's going to write a letter to Alanis Morrissette and ask her if she would do a cover of the song Pia wrote. It goes like this:
You make me very very weepy!
So weepy for your love!
Tuesday, February 23, 1999
Nini says Pia's lying don't be silly they would never let goats in to see a rock concert.
wEDNESDAY, fEBRUARY 24, 1999
Good morning, Journal! Today Mom says we're all going to put on our bathing suits and wAIT. wHAT? wHEN i WAS TYPING MY WORDS, cHICKENLOAF WALKED ACROSS THE KEYBOARD WEARING DAD'S ONLY NECKTIE AND NOW THE LETTERS ARE ALL BIG AND i DON'T KNOW HOW TO FIX THEM! hELP! mOM!
Thursday, February 25, 1999
I met with Deep Throat at midnight, and he says he knows what Mom and Dad do during the day. Mom is a Prostitute and Dad makes Teletubbies! I asked him what are Teletubbies and he said you don't want to know.