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gracie's world 1999


Gracie's World

November 1999

Monday, November 1
Yesterday at the Halloween party I wore my ghost costume but then everybody else came dressed in ghost costumes too! Except for Chickenloaf and Dad they came as a ballerinas in matching pink too toos!

Hows come they all came up with the same cool idea is what I wanna know! I bet Pia blabbed to everybody!

Tuesday, November 2
I'm still really grumpy on account of everybody wearing my great ghost costume.

Also Weakie is really piling on the homework! I have five sums PLUS a 50-word essay PLUS I gotta study for the Esperanto quiz! Weakie is a slave-driving goon!

Wednesday, November 3
We got the pictures back from the Halloween party but so what it's just a whole bunch of ghosts except for the pink too toos! Plus the flash went off right at us and everybody has redeye so there are all these ghosts with red eyeballs and two Ballerinas from Hell!

Thursday, November 4
This has been a really really cool day! I got a A+ on the Esperanto quiz so now I'm fluent in 16 languages! Plus I did really really really well on the balance beam in phys ed class I walked all the way acrost it without holding up my tail even once!

Pia wobbled and held her tail up half way acrost and Ben got all wobbly and fell right off on his head! Chickenloaf scrooched acrost it on her butt and it took a whole hour!!

Then Pia did all these wild flips on the uneven parallax bars. She is such a showoff! But I showed her! I leaped right over that big leather horse thing without even spinning my tail so I would land on my feets!

Friday, November 5

I wish Mom would fix this stupid spell checker! People will think I am stupit. I'm a really really good speller but like many low-income children I sometimes lapse into regional dialect.

Weakie says that is OK on account of that is Febonics.

Saturday, November 6
I can't wait 'til tomorrow! Nini's live cooking show with a STUDIO AUDIENCE premieres on Public Television! Graham Kerr is gonna be her guest! Mom's gonna make popcorn and we're all gonna watch!

Sunday, November 7
Today we all ate popcorn and we watched Nini's new cooking show What's That Smell in Nini's Kitchen! Today Nini did a special show for deer hunting season which is coming right up! She deep fat fried an entire deer carcass in a 50-gallon drum of hot oil! Then she showed how to serve it with grilled quince and a garnish of cilantro flowers!

Then this address flashed on the screen where people could order their own deer fryers! It was so cool! Dad ordered the jumbo size 'cause he wants to experiment with other large game animals also beef!

Monday, November 8
Uh oh! Dad is stomping around! He says who walked all over the clean laundry with litterbox feet!

Tuesday, November 9
Last night Dad picked up Mom's trumpet and he played it and it sounded all splattery like ostrich eggs hitting aluminum siding! Then he bravely tested his upper range! It was like the battle cry of a African bull elephant on three pounds of peyote laced with PCP!

We all agreed that Dad is obviously a far better trumpet player than Mom. Ben even said in his Native Land Dad would be revered like Miles Davis!

Wednesday, November 10
We're starting a jazz combo! All the trumpet playing and congo drum playing goin' on in the basement is making Ben all weepy for his old jazz combo in his Native Land! We don't have a name yet for the band but Pia is writing our first song! She got the idea for it the other day! She's callin' it "Who's That Steppin' With That Litterbox Feet." I cannot wait to start gigging! I just need to learn a musical instrument! Ben suggests accordion.

Thursday, November 11
Today Mom was cleanin' the toilets and singing

Oh my cat's name is Butros Butros Butros!
Butros Butros Butros Butros Butros!
Butros Butros Butros Butros Butros Butros Butros!
But we call him Butros Butros for short!

Friday, November 12
Here's Millie and Gomez! They came inside for the winter!

Dad says Millie is the only good cat in the house but Pia says she's a bimbette with all looks no brains and even less personality!

Gomez originally came from Philadelphia! He was an art historian! Mom says Gomez is in love with me. He has been in love with me for years and years! He sits all spring summer and fall on the front steps pining away.

To be honest I am not sure what to do about this.

Saturday, November 13
Mom fixed the spell checker so once again I am not plagued with regionalisms. It is so embarrassing to know 16 different languages but be plagued with regionalisms in one's native tongue! Weakie says Febonics is a legitimate variation of English, but she's never heard those dorky calico cats down the road on the horse farm!

Anyways, I have standards! I don't want my journal to sound like one of those cutsie-wootsie pet journals that are all over the place on the World Wide Web!

Sunday, November 14
I am bummed because our jazz combo is starting to rehearse and I haven't picked a instrument yet. All I've been playing is a dumb triangle ting! ting! ting! and I feel so stupid! I might as well make farting noises with my armpit!

Monday, November 15
Today I tried to play a accordion in the band because Ben wants to do some Zydego bean songs but my chest fur keeps getting caught in the folds! Chicken recommended playing a harp but no way I don't want to sound like a cat that's already dead!

Also I tried to play something called a HOOTER but I'd rather die than hear Pia announce on stage after the first set, "And here's Gracie on the HOOTER!"

Tuesday, November 16
Oh great. Everybody else has their band instrument except me. Ben, of course is playing his trumpet and he's showing off and bossing everybody around. He's a total jerk.

Chickenloaf, who wants everybody to call her Chick, plays keyboard. She's really really good!

Nini plays this huge twinkly harp and she lapses into these long whooshing solos that are very melodramatic, and she dresses in these sequined gowns and wears lots of jewelry and a tiara! Pia says she's trying to upstage her. Charlie says it's a bit much, but Ben says he can work with it.

Weakie plays the flute and piccolo and alto sax and tenor sax and French horn and oboe and bassoon but she's not so good on the bassoon it sounds like a merganser suffering from salmonella.

Pia is our front singer and she wears this red sequined gown and camouflage Doc Martins. We have been practicing her song "Weepy" but Ben says it's way out of his range on the trumpet so he plays it three octaves lower for effect but then it sounds like a horror movie theme! Especially with Weakie blatting on tenor sax and Nini with her ridiculous harp solos!

Charlie plays trombone and he keeps jamming the slide into the back of Pia's head when she's singing and she turns around and smacks him really really hard!

Dad plays the Congo drums for us sometimes. He says a certain amount of in-fighting is to be expected in a band.

Thursday, November 18
I can't find a damned band instrument! Today I tried a upright bass and it tipped over and nearly killed all of us!

Somebody help me find a band instrument please!

Friday, November 19
I now have a instrument for the jazz combo! I am playing bongos! They are so cool! Dad says I really have the hands for it!

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